*eternal student of life

Do I Really Have to Leave?

2012-01-06T06:37:00.000-08:00

College Undergrad who yearned for breaks to be over so she could get back to learning, staying busy, not having to deal with the drama that comes with living at home with family – that used to be me.

Then something changed. This winter break, the last on my undergraduate career, has been the best yet.

As I woke up this morning, I found myself trying to clasp onto the last bits of what seems like a dream. It's like I know what I want the rest of my life to look like because I lived it in these last four weeks but I won't be able to live it again for another six months, and even that is questionable because I don't know where I'll be in another six months – I just know that's when I will be crossing the stage and becoming a "real adult."

With that being said, I really don't want to leave. *turns on "I Gotta Go" by Trey Songz*

I just hope these last months living in Davis will be as fabulous as these four weeks living in Los Angeles. We shall see!

When Trying is Not Enough

2012-01-02T11:47:00.000-08:00

"At least you tried," she said to me as I talked about how I had failed to change the state of the home I grew up in. And for a moment, I accepted those words and in doing so, I also accepted that trying is enough – that if my goal is not accomplished it is okay because I tried.

Then I started thinking about it. The more my thoughts swarmed about in my mind, the more trying did not sit well with me. Now I am grappling with this idea. How can someone that I expect to be proud of the goals I accomplish tell me that trying is enough – and how was I okay with that? Shouldn't I have been pushed to try again? Shouldn't I have questioned why she even told me that?

The state of my home was a mess. Upon returning to my hometown for winter break, I planned on changing that. On one Sunday morning, I started my journey. I threw away trash and items that people no longer use. I gathered bottles and cans strewn about in the backyard to get recycled. I reorganized cabinets. In short, I cleaned up areas that had been ignored for months, in hopes that my work would serve as a catalyst for creating new habits in the household – habits that will stay even when I made my way back to my college town.

As I walked into the kitchen a week later, the mess I had gotten rid of was back. It is frustrating because I spent most of the day going at it. I even BBM'd my boyfriend telling him that I felt like giving up. Crazy, right?

The situation at hand could be described as minor but I really want to clean up all over again but I'm telling myself that I do not live here anymore so it should not be my problem. I am actually just accepting that fact as I write these words. While this situation may not have that big of an impact on my life, the idea that trying is enough can be applied to other goals. Right now, I have a list of six goals to accomplish in 2012. I am committed to completing them all. Telling myself and accepting other folks words of "At least you tried," is unacceptable.

When you try to do something, there is an expectation that it will be accomplished. And to me, if it is not executed the first time, you must try again and again. Failure is a part of success.

I do have a question though. Is there a point where trying is enough? After attempting 50 times, is it okay to say, "At least I tried"?

Growth.

2011-12-22T12:28:00.000-08:00

On November 5th, 2010, I cut my hair.

On December 7th, 2011, this is where I was at.

WAHHHH: That's My Excited/Happy Noise!

2011-12-15T16:36:00.000-08:00

As I drove down El Segundo, I found myself yelling the lyrics to "Love on Top" by Beyoncé at the top of my lungs. I was grooving too. I'm telling you... If my foot was not busy on the gas and brake pedals, I definitely would have broke out into dance. I felt so carefree in that moment.

But before I get into this post, let me give you a look into my life. I'm currently at home in Los Angeles. Most times when I come back, there are tasks that I get assigned that I am not always very excited to take on. Take this morning, I was woken up from my slumber with the sounds of children getting ready for school and their mother (my cousin) yelling at them. Fortunately, I woke up feeling happy and did not get mad. I was then asked to take them to school because my cousin was running late. Usually I would have been like, "WTF" but this morning I gladly accepted.

I figured that while I was out, I'd grab breakfast (from delicious Panera Bread) and pick up a few things from Target, which was down the street from their school. Then I was contacted by my brother who was not feeling well at school. I had to jump through hurdles to take him from school because I am not on the emergency contact list but I was still calm. No wooo-sahs necessary.

Sidenote: I definitely felt like I popped some little ones out today with the way I had to make sure all of them were taken care of. Motherhood is definitely being pushed to 8-10 years from now instead of 6. While I enjoyed today, I'd rather just have to worry about me for now.

My morning did not start off the way I planned it. But then again, it's not about my plan, is it? God is definitely in charge.

For the first time, in a while, I feel both content and at ease – my little cousins have not even been getting on my nerves like they usually do. Yes, there is still a lot of work to be done. I have some growing to do and decisions to make. The last fall quarter of my undergraduate career ended last Friday, which means I am closer to being a "real adult", which my high school calculus teacher already sees me as. At this moment, I don't exactly know what I'm doing after June, what state I will be in or if I will have to move back home.

I am happy I have options though. I am happy I have people in my corner rooting for me. I am happy God has sent me people that have similar mentalities as me. And there are a whole bunch of other things I appreciate in my life.

Ten things I am thankful for, at this very moment:

1. Gas in my tank. I've been driving like crazy since I have been home and I think it's great that I've been able to get gas so that I can make it to all of my destinations.

2. Real conversation. I've been having some interesting, and in some cases low.key breakthrough, conversations as of late. People have been dropping knowledge and fortunately I have been able to give a few words of wisdom as well.

3. Friends. Today a high school friend asked me if I have friends out here (Los Angeles, because we both are not here often). Yes, I have friends out here. I always have but it was not something I always realized. I really feel like this has been the year of (re)connection because I have made some dope friends and got in steady contact with some folks from the past.

4. The ability to read. I've been reading The Conversation by Hill Harper, which my boyfriend bought for us, and it is dope. I think all Black folks should read it. And there are a few other books I am planning to read during this break, along with magazines and articles that I have been putting off.

5. Reflection time. While dealing with academics, work and other life things, I did not really take the time to sit and reflect on life and how I could improve it. With the free time I have had since being outside of my little college town, I've been able to think with a clear mid. You know how I said I don't know exactly what I've doing after graduation... well, I do know what I want to do and that has been fleshed out with both conversations and reflection time.

6. My parents. They are very different from one another but each have and continue to teach me valuable lessons in life. Both have been able to instill values in me, which I wish to pass onto my children.

7. Two years of friendship, love and learning. I have been in a relationship for two years. And it does not feel that long but I have learned a lot about what it really means to be in a relationship, the areas where I need to step my game up how when you really want something, you will make it work. People always talk about how long distance relationships are difficult, especially at such a young age, but I disagree. I think when you find someone you love who shares the same feelings you do while putting in the same effort, it can work. We are a testament to that.

8. Laughter. I love to laugh, and I am surrounded by folks who are able to get at least a chuckle out of me, if not a noise of hysteria.

9. Traveling grace. People out here be tryna kill. I have seen the end results of at least 5 accidents since I have been in LA. And I almost got into one myself yesterday. The fact that I was able to avoid it is amazing.

10. My life, in general. The fact that I am able to sit on this couch and type this is enough to give thanks. Also, there have been experiences I have seen others go through that I have not had to face. I appreciate that and the opportunity to learn from them instead of making the same mistakes.

Sometimes, it helps me to write down what I am thankful for because I forget on a daily basis. It's almost as if I get wrapped up in to everything I am doing and all the negatives present in my life that I forget the things God has blessed me with.

Quick FIRE: What are you thankful for?

Now More Than Ever

2011-12-05T10:26:00.000-08:00

I applied for Teach for America, got through the application process and I'm currently awaiting the decision. I was logging in this morning to see if there were any updates and this video popped up. Loved it and wanted to share! Hope I can be a part of the change that we need to make NOW.

Education is the social justice issue of our generation. And in order for generations after us to get a beneficial and equitable education, we must reform the education system that we made it through.

January 17th, 2012... please get here quick!

2011-11-20T12:07:00.000-08:00

note to self: actions speak louder than words.

this statement could not be any truer in my current social location.

Gratitude

2011-09-25T00:42:00.000-07:00

This was one of those days where I woke up happy, ate breakfast and put in work. There will be more days like this as this quarter moves along.

My last quarter of my undergraduate career started a few days ago. I cannot believe I've made it this far, to be honest. When I introduce myself to folks as a 4th year, it feels sort of surreal.

And at some points, I have felt a bit of nostalgia. I want to rewind time, go back and do a few things better. If I knew what I know now, my life would be a little different. Not that the life I live now is terrible or anything... I just think I would have made better choices. But that's what life is about though, right? Living and learning.

God is teaching me something new every day. Aspects about myself that need improvement have been revealed. My work ethic has changed a bit. And I've been working on just doing, instead of "trying to do something". Less talk, more walk is the motto at this point. I'm thankful for each day I get to do better.

"You Attract What You Are, Right?"

2011-09-13T10:49:00.001-07:00

Pretty self explanatory.

Harvest of Shame: An Everturning Cycle

2011-08-29T14:54:00.000-07:00

If you know me in real life, you may also know I was in a journalism internship program for a good chunk of the summer. Mandatory movie nights were a part of the responsibility, along with a 2-week boot camp and seminars with folks from the Capitol as well as writers and editors from local news organizations.

I really enjoyed my summer as an intern for Eastern Group Publications. I learned a lot about myself and my writing since my first day in mid-June. It was an amazing journey that taught me I still have a ways to go but I know I can get there as long as I stay disciplined and stick to the standards I will be setting for myself this week. You can check out two of my articles that were published this summer: here and there!

Another thing I learned, or more so something that was reinforced, was that history repeats itself. One of the films shown during our weekly movie sessions was a Harvest of Shame (here's a youtube link in case you want to watch it in its entirety). The documentary was produced by CBS in 1960 as a part of a series by Edward R. Murrow. In Harvest of Shame, Murrow exposed the plight of America's farm workers.

I urge folks to take a look at the film and recognize that little has changed. Over 50 years has passed and farm workers are still fighting the same fight. It has me wondering if change will ever come, if we will ever live in a society that will give equal rights to all workers, no matter the field (no pun intended).

It is important to recognize that there were (and still are) farm workers across the United States. Ceasar Chavez, while an amazing man, was not the only one fighting for the rights of farm workers. He had a large backing, both on the right and left coast. Today the United Farm Workers is a group that is working to make sure this demographic has just rights while on the job.

What hit me about the film was how children were being affected by low wages, moving constantly and difficulties in school because of the aforementioned. The young boy below had to take care of his two sisters while his mother was in the fields. I believe he was 6 years old.

They also told the story of a few students who displayed their love for education but were not likely to reach high school because of their family situations. This group of people faced similar circumstances because of their lack of money which leads me to believe that sometimes classism is more potent than racism. I also think the two are closely linked.

Some would argue that classism breeds racism but I think that is a conversation for another post. Class stole the hope away from farm workers in 1960. Each person that was asked, "Do you think things will ever get better?" answered something like "No." or "It's not likely." It was real then and it's real now. Something has got to change. The solution is something I do not have at the moment but I hope someone has something brewing in their kitchen.

There is just not enough time in a day to have full passion for X number of issues while taking care of myself. I'm learning more and more that I cannot be involved with every movement but being aware of them and spreading awareness is great. My hope is that it will spark the passion to create change in someone else. Glad to share with all of you!

Are there any issues that you all are working on improving?

Processing: The Compton State of Mind

2011-08-24T14:30:00.000-07:00

Within my internship cohort, it is common knowledge that I hail from Los Angeles, California. To be more specific, I spent most of my youth learning, playing and preparing to change the world in Compton.

I must admit that I did not always claim Compton to be my city of origin. Mainly because my address reads Los Angeles, but when people visit me they realize that folks just a street over write Compton on their packages. Another reason I never owned this city is because I thought it was shameful to come from there.

While I do not want to put the blame on others, I was raised by people who did not own the place they were born and raised.

"Carson."

"Gardena."

"Cerritos."

For those unfamiliar with Los Angeles County cities, the above are a few. They are not the richest or most amazing towns but they are arguable better than the one my grandmother raised her seven children in. These were the answers given to folks by my family members when they were asked where they lived. From a young age, I wondered what was wrong with being from Compton but I never asked.

When Compton is seen on TV and in movies, commentators never have anything positive to say. Hub City is a symbol for all things a town should not want to be, according to the gatekeepers who control what the masses are exposed to. People only know the gunshots and liquor stores on every other corner. There is no denying that the aforementioned aspects of the city exist, those are not the only things that are present.

Hub City residents do so much more. They make with what they have and many contribute positively to society. That though, it never gets any shine. Hence the reason I have talks about my origins that trigger me in ways you could not imagine.

Last night, I was spending time with fellow interns. During a conversation with a friend of an intern, the question of my hometown came up. As I answered, "Los Angeles", another person at our get together chimed in "Compton". For the sake of this post, we will refer to him as Ralph. Why he felt the need to insert himself into our conversation is unknown, but I moved passed it and continued to talk. We began to compare and contrast big cities like Los Angeles to the current university town we were in. Ralph asked if I felt safer since moving up north for school.

The question made me feel uneasy. To me, Ralph was inferring that I felt unsafe in Compton. As his words reached my eardrums, my first thoughts in response were, "You don't know my life." I wanted to yell this at him then school him about my life so that he would be more knowledgeable in the future. That is, if I ever come in contact with him again once my internship is over.

That did not happen though. At the beginning of my time as an intern, I realized Ralph was not an easy person to talk to. He was stuck in his ways and there was no convincing him to stray away from thoughts already made concrete in his mind. Last night, I choked because I did not want to get into yet another argument with this guy. Once I did want to bring it back up, he was out of the door.

Now I'm left with the need to talk to him. I don't want Ralph to go on thinking Compton is not safe, that people need to get out in order to feel like they will not be shot.

Compton raised me and I am no longer afraid to own that. Every city comes with the good and the bad. Conversations will be had.

And with that, I end with Kendrick Lamar's "Compton State of Mind".

Diggin' On You.

2011-08-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

As displayed in previous posts, I am a lover of music. In turn, I like to peruse the iPods of my friends. Most recently, my roommate's sister (who has become a friend over the last couple months) was victim to my habit.

During my examination, I rediscovered the song above. And ever since I have been wanting to reinvest in TLC's Crazy Sexy Cool album. I was born in the early 90's so I do not remember everything of that time but I do know that decade birthed good music. This and Mary J.'s What's the 411?, as well as My Life. They're brilliant!

I still remember being young, sitting in the back seat of my mom's Toyota Camry singing "I'm Going Down" as if I had first-hand experience with the emotion that went into that song. Apparently, I was intense as a child when it came to singing love songs. The very few folks that have walked in on my singing sessions may argue that I still am. Just yesterday, I belted out every lyric from Joss Stone's "Spoiled". Luckily no one was home to witness.

The point here though, is that I need to some albums from back in the day (although it's arguable that they are legitimate old school records) to become a part of my present. They are calling my name and asking me to buy them.

Once, I start working, pay my bills and set some money aside for savings, I will purchase them. It'll be my treat!

Better Than FREE Food

2011-08-02T22:09:00.000-07:00

Since the dawn of my undergraduate career, I have loved FREE food. I attended programs and events all over campus, in part to get exposure to the campus climate and to satisfy my hunger. If I learned about an event, which had the phrase 'Free Food' on the Facebook event page or flyer, I was there unless I was tied to prior obligations.

Eating at the dining commons for breakfast, lunch and dinner was not the move. Especially when you come from a family that eats out almost every day of the week. There was variety in my previous life. My brother and I got to choose where we would like the eat and what we would like off the menu without question.

Freshman year, things changed. Lunch options included burgers and fries, mangolian BBQ, pizza with various toppings (some seemingly experimental) and your occasional amazing meal. Back then, upperclassmen told me I would miss the dining commons, affectionately referring to the facility as the DC. Those upperclassmen could not have been more correct. The following year, living off campus and lacking the ability to cook an equally healthy and delicious dish, led me to yearn for a meal plan at the DC.

Luckily, I have had a few freshman friends who have swiped me into the DC, allowing me to eat to my heart's content without pay. You know how other people's food is supposed to taste better because you are not paying for it? That's how it felt. The convenience and absence of cost made that bowl of Mongolian BBQ more appealing.

What I learned freshman year reigned true in my 2nd and 3rd year as an undergrad as well. FREE food is the move. Due to my involvement in various capacities on campus, I've grown accustomed getting free food at events.

In a sense, it has gotten old because there are only so many places that cater for events in my college town.

I've found a new love. We did have relations before but due to my lack of time, we ended what I would classify as a beautiful love affair. Books! FREE books, at that!! Yes, you read it right!!

While visiting my minor advisor, I noticed a desk full of FREE books.

*sings commercial jingle* F-R-E-E, that spells free... CreditReport.com, baby! I just could not help myself.

I was tempted to stuff all the interesting looking ones into my purse. And I'm positive it would have been possible without a hint of embarrassment. It's summer so the halls were free of professors and students. I would not have received any confused glances or looks of disapproval. Unfortunately though, I didn't have much space in my bag so I had to take what I could. They have been added them to my ever growing library (not pictured here) and most recent purchases at the late Borders, all of which I plan to read by November.

It may be quite a feat with two jobs on the horizon, school work, working out my fitness, conference planning, dance team and trying to keep up a social life. Let's hope I can get some free food to accompany my reading of free books because I may not even have time to cook.

For now, I will not cast doubt on my goal. Time management is key And I believe to master your craft, you must study what others in that field have done before you. I want to write. I want to edit. Articles, books, short stories, poems. In fact, I am going to do it all.

Let's get to work. But before then, I want to know what y'all are reading. Any recommendations for what I should add to my library next?

Furrowed Brows.

2011-08-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

I wrote, deleted and rewrote at least 1,000-words before posting this. I was not planning to publish those words but my desktop served as a space to let out sentences I wanted someone to listen to without talking back.

And this photo... it pretty much sums up the latter part of my day.

And while I may be blowing the sudden onset of negativity "out of proportion", at this very moment, I don't care. I'm ready to laugh and cry while watching a romantic comedy, eat a pint of ice cream and start over on Wednesday morning.

Dear, J. Cole:

2011-08-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

I love your music. If I was one of the many up and coming rappers of today, I'm sure you would inspire me, even though you're kind of up and coming yourself. The beats you sample and your metaphors are impeccable. Keep doing what you do, good sir!

Thanks,

Fangirl

J.Cole – Too Deep For The Intro

J. Cole feat. Wale – You Got It

I've been on a J.Cole binge for a couple days so I wanted to share.

Also, check out some of his new music here.

via Treyning Day.

If It Was My Job, I'd Be Fired.

2011-08-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

"Thanks for speaking up when you did" and "I want to work on being as invested in this work as you are," read a couple notes I found in a room that had been through it, piles of clothes, stacks of papers and boxes strewn across the carpeted floor.

I started packing yesterday (because I will be moving at the end of the month). Yes, it is kind of early to be packing but I kind of hoard things and decided to trash a lot of my junk. Believe me, there is a method to my madness. It's a process.

While cleaning things out, I came across a couple bags of affirmations that I have collected over the years as an undergrad that attends every community retreat she gets to the chance to. The affirmations were from people I got to meet or know better during those three-day weekends.

Honestly, reading them almost brought me to tears. I've connected with so many amazing folks since I've lived in my little college town. And it's not over yet. I have a year left to make more connections, some that could potentially last a lifetime. For these relationships to last though, these people have to be comfortable with silence and random bursts of conversation.

If you know me, you know that I am not the most talkative person but if I do have something really interesting to talk about, I could go on for a while. The only way I know how to speak is from my experience so when I speak it's sincere.

I wonder if this is a part of my failure to intentionally motivate folks through speech. It has been brought to my attention that I am not exactly the greatest motivational speaker. If giving people the motivation to complete a task by using words alone was my job, I wouldn't be surprised if I got fired. This is why I will never consider going into that field.

It has also been brought to my attention that I can motivate without really trying and just being myself. While reading my affirmations, I noticed a trend. A lot of folks view me as someone who has it together when I feel like I kind of don't, at all. It's cool that I give that vibe though. It seems that I've inspired folks to take life one day at a time, as I often try to do and to always be genuine in everything they do.

Hoping I can continue to spread the cool as I step mine up. Growth is constant, as is change.

inspire me to be the higher me.

2011-07-28T15:58:00.000-07:00

challenge me. don't agree with all my opinions.
i don't need a yes. i need to grow.
thanks, in advance.

Amy.

2011-07-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

On Saturday morning, my Twitter timeline was filled with tweets and links about Amy Winehouse's death. I was surprised just because I had not heard much about her and when I do, it is kind of a big deal. I read the tweets, retweeted one and moved on with my life.

That day I was helping clean up and cook for a BBQ. The death of someone I did not know was not that important at the time. But on the ride to my apartment today, I thought about her death again. It's kind of sad. One of my roommate and I discussed how at one point we thought about where she was and hoped she was making a new album. She had talent and it sucks that addiction took her out.

And you know how a song can remind you of a moment in time. Well, Amy, "Tears Dry On Their Own" does that for me. My current roommate and I bonded over this song during an orientation program the summer before our freshman year.

Thanks for sharing your voice with us, Amy. Wish you could have shared more. RIP.

Let's Agree to Disagree

2011-07-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

And that's okay.

If people all thought the same way, what would be the point of conversation? The art of debate would not have been created. Life just would not be the same. I feel like the whole process of learning would be edited.

I was having a conversation earlier today with a friend which turned into a major disagreement about public policy. And it's a given that people do not agree on these things. If they did, government wouldn't be so complicated. I just thought the people I surrounded myself with were in agreement that the DREAM Act should be passed.

It's an issue that I'm really passionate about. But going into that would lead to a 5000-word essay, which I'm sure you're not up for reading.

The point of this post is to say: Surround yourself with a diverse group of people. And by diverse, I am not necessarily speaking about race or ethnicity (although this can be a component), I'm emphasizing the importance of having conversations with folks with different opinions.

During my undergraduate career, for the most part, I've surrounded myself with people that have very similar ideologies as me. Mostly African American with similar experiences which sometimes formed into a similar outlook on this complicated society we live in. And while, this is great – being able to relate to a person. Conversations with those who may oppose your stance on something can broaden your perspective and understanding.

I want to give a shout out to my friend who argued with me a few hours ago. Thanks for sharing your opinions. They are much appreciated. I must say on this issue though, let's agree to disagree.

Now I'm trying to figure out: At what point is agreeing to disagree not okay?

Now Reading: The Responsibilities of Journalism

2011-07-17T16:47:00.000-07:00

Above: Davis, CA -- Apartment. My attempt to look like I'm reading. Pass or Fail?

In order to be the best in your field, you need to know what those before you did.

I've read the Preface, Introduction and a piece of the first section. So far, so good. Journalism has come a long way and I'm trying to take it further.

The learning never stops.

Journalists are responsible for giving the people information and letting them decide how to think and react to it. This means being fair to all parties that may have a stake in the story. It doesn't always happen but the book addresses this issue.

The Responsibilities of Journalism, edited by Robert Schmuhl

If you're interesting in learning about how journalists and the public in the US have struggled in holding each other accountable, I suggest checking this book out. How do you really know what you're reading in newspapers is legit? No matter how unbiased journalists try to be, it will never happen. Being unbiased results in a blank page.

"Anyone who says they're unbiased is suspect." Colin Ehara

COOL: What Does It Mean?

2011-07-17T15:56:00.000-07:00

I saw this video a couple days ago and wanted to share. R+I Creative, the creators of this video, will be releasing more videos as time progresses. They are also responsible for "Influencers" videos, which I suggest you watch if you haven't already. "The Pursuit Of Cool" will turn into a short series about hedonism, sharing and meeting cool people with stories. You can check out their latest video at the end of this post.

My favorite line from the video above is, "Other people's opinions shouldn't matter. That's what's cool."

I feel that completely. When folks define what they think is cool by the standards of others, the cool value plummets. It makes me think about being in a journalism workshop a few weeks ago. While talking about ethics as a journalist, one of the facilitators of the conversation said, "Set your own standards and stick to them."

It's the same with being cool, in any capacity. It's better to just do you and be cool from that than to take other people's ideas. Set your own standards and don't worry about the opinions of others.

Some may argue that nothing is original these days anyway so it should not matter if we bite someone else's style, words, etc. While it's true that nothing is original and therefore ideas will be borrowed, it's beautiful when folks add their own touch to what they've taken from another person.

Make it your own. That's cool.

Exploring Sacramento: Gogi's Koren BBQ

2011-07-14T16:14:00.000-07:00

With the recommendation from a fellow journalist, I decided to make a trek to Gogi's Korean BBQ for lunch today. Ramon came into my office and raved about his new favorite place to eat in Sacramento.

Their menu includes Korean tacos and burritos, with your choice of beef, pork, chicken or tofu. I wanted to try them all but because I do not eat red meat (and have not since my mid-high school days), I went for two chicken tacos, and one tofu.

I read a few reviews of the place saying it was amazing, others describe it as the exact opposite, complaining about poor service and dry meat on their short rib burrito.

My overall take: It's good. It did not take long at all for my food and I was able to head back to my office without complaining. It's not a place I would go to everyday. This may be because I am a huge fan of Mexican burritos and tacos. But I realize that the taste of a Mexican restaurant was not the goal here. I will definitely head there again before my internship is over.

Also, I ordered a Gogi's lemonade with my food and it was pretty delicious! I recommend you check this place out if you're ever near the Capitol.

Gogi's Korean BBQ
1431 L St
Sacramento, CA 95814

(916)442-7333

Hours:
Mon-Fri 11 am - 2:30 pm
Fri-Sat 9 pm - 2:30 am

Going Hard in the Paint

2011-07-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

Bobby of The Hundreds, a streetwear brand, writes at least one blog post per day.

Today, his post started with: Kids these days. They want it all. That’s fine, that’s how we taught them. Dream big! Shoot for the stars!! You can do anything if you put your mind to it!!! But the reality of the matter is that dreams are nothing without hard work. Goals are zero without diligence. And everyone has a vision, but what have you done in the past 24 hours to achieve it?

I kind of felt like he was speaking to me. I have gone from career plan to career plan without ever going super hard to make my dreams become reality. Luckily, I'm realizing that now as a 20 year old. At the beginning of this summer, I started investing in my future by starting an internship in a field I intend to be a part of in the future. I've been learning, networking and trying to put myself out there. I must admit, my future is looking bright but I know it's going to take a lot of work and sacrifice. My little piece of motivation: I don't want to sleep on my mother's house. I want my own stuff, to make it better than the generation before me.

Sleep deprivation is becoming more appetizing to me. Undergrad has taught me that a lot of folks stay up at all hours of the morning to get work done. Sometimes it's because of procrastination, but other times losing sleep is caused by wanting to be better than the rest. You know that motto, "They sleep, we work." I may be adopting that soon. There's no time for mediocrity.

In June 2012, I will be walking across the stage. This may be the reason the future is coming up more commonly in conversations. And now, rather than talking about how I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, I am talking about how I am trying things out to find the best fit for me.

It's nothing to it but to do it. I know a lot of people that don't believe in my generation because apparently, we're slackers. Fortunately, I still believe in us. There's a lot of folks born in the late 80's/early 90's that are actually doing things to make an impact on society.

Hope you're getting out there too! And I encourage you to read all of Bobby's post.

Let's go hard in the paint, folks!

The Re-Up

2011-07-11T20:41:00.001-07:00

That girl who is always up on new music. That used to be me. I was the girl whose friends came to her when they wanted to update their iTunes collection. Lately though, I've been off on my game. I realized this even more when I was chilling on campus with one of my friends.

He was talking about some songs on Lupe Fiasco's LASERS album. I was sad to say that I had not heard some of them. I was greeted with questions such as: Do you know how long that album has been out? And how long Lupe and his fans fought to get the label to release an album? It was released on March 4th, 2011 and the amount of time it was fought for... I don't exactly know, but I do know that it was kind of long.

That being said, I suck at keeping up with music these days. Besides half-listening to it in my boyfriend's car, I have heard maybe half of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Some of my music loving friends would say this is a crime against the music lover in me and I would agree. I'm guilty, but there is reason for my actions.

A few weeks ago, I tweeted:

Yes, this is the reason I have not been up on my game. I like to buy CD's, like actually CD's. I would rather have something physical in my hand than an MP3 on my computer. Why? I'm unsure. I have a similar relationship with books. Although a kindle or a similar device is convenient, I would rather have a library in my home.

You will be happy to know that I did invest in The Story created by the beautiful ladies of KING.

And I was convinced by Daizy and David (whose music you should also check out) to invest in Kendrick Lamar's Section 80.

Both have made beautiful love to my ears, respectively. Some others that I plan on spending my hard earned American cotton on include Esperanza Spalding's Chamber Music Society, Beyonce's 4, and Jill Scott's The Light of the Sun. Whenever Muhsinah puts out a full length album, I will also cop that; there's no question about that! I also plan on investing in some Otis Redding albums because since I saw choreography to his song "These Arms of Mine" a few seasons ago on So You Think You Can Dance, I am in love with his voice.

What else should I take a listen to, buy, and enjoy? What are you listening to these days, or in past days? Share with me. This is my time to re-up.

Time to De-Clutter

2011-07-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine once told me that often when her life is a mess, so is her room. At that time, I agreed wholeheartedly. I had my own room, which 9 times out of 10 could be found in a state that one would think "a tornado ran through", as my grandmother would say.

Fortunately, tornadoes are not common in the state of California so that was not the reason for my and Jo's mess. On the other hand, it was unfortunate that the reason our rooms seemed to have clothes on the floor and papers stacked like skyscrapers on our desks was because we were overwhelmed with life.

These days I share a room so I am forced to make sure my room is tidy most days of the week. I cannot say that the cleanliness of my room matches that of my life though. I've found other places to clutter. Take my stickies, for example:

It gets crazy out here, folks! This is a year or so worth of stickies that I jotted my thoughts down on and don't often go back to. I guess it's good that this mess is on my desktop and not in the room that my roommate and I share but it does not justify it.

With that being said, I'm on a mission to de-clutter my stickies. And I've already started on my life.

They do say cleanliness is next to godliness. I'm on my way!!

Can't Keep Me Away For Too Long.

2011-07-05T23:01:00.000-07:00

I'll be back soon. A couple weeks ago I tweeted, "I want to start blogging again". Fred of the acdmy urged me to do so. I've been writing a lot lately for an internship and it has encouraged me to write even more about my own life and how society affects me. For now, this is the platform I will be using. My boyfriend will also be riding along on the journey starting next week on Sleepless Nights.

By the way, I have been feeling more myself in the last few weeks than I have in a while. Life situations are not exactly perfect but I'm working through with encouraging words and gestures from loved ones. I feel like a bird, flying. And I'm hopeful that my wings will not get clipped anytime soon.

Learning and growth have been the theme of the past 3 weeks. That may be a reason for my happiness. Learning is something I love to do, especially from folks that seem to have wisdom, you know that wisdom that comes with experience. There's nothing like it.

Keep sending up prayers and positive energy my way. Just wanted to post a quick update. Hope you all are well.

peace,
D

2011-05-14T18:23:00.000-07:00

What you see above, "Until Further Notice" means, I probably will not be posting for a while. I no longer want to put out stuff that I have not put my entire heart into. Therefore, I will not be posting on this blog again until I have time to really do what I want. And who is to say if that will ever even happen?

For now, I'll just be working on me and enjoying life. You can go through old posts and keep up with me on other social networks (links below).

Peace.

Hey, Mama.

2011-05-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

I want to scream so loud for you, cause I'm so proud of you!
Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies out there!!
And a SPECIAL shout out to my MOMMY!!

take a step back.

2011-04-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

"Maybe we'll live and learn. Maybe we'll crash and burn." -John Legend

I was just listening to "Ordinary People" by John Legend and that line stood out to me for some reason. I think it's mostly the part about living and learning. I have been doing both and I guess that's one of the points of life, to learn.

In this last week alone, I've learned about myself. Growth is happening.

And as I'm writing this, I am listening to the song all over again. It's just really speaking to me. I think sometimes, we get ahead of ourselves which can lead to us getting overwhelmed with our commitments... whether they be work related, family-oriented or concerning a romantic relationship. Sometimes, you gotta take a step back and reflect.

It reminds me of when an artist is working on a piece and they step away from their canvas to get a better look at how far they have come on their creation. Sometimes you get a better view when you're a bit removed from the situation. From there you figure out what can be done better and adjust as you see fit.

*This post is more of me just jotting down my thoughts than trying to convey any elaborate message to anyone... but if it reaches you, that's great!

And since I mentioned the song, I figured I may as well post the video. Enjoy!!

peace to you.

Rappers Obligated to Raising Children?

2011-04-20T13:46:00.000-07:00

You may have seen this video. I think it is interesting and I side with Bun B and Lupe. What's your take?

empowered?

2011-04-20T12:20:00.000-07:00

Since completing reading for my Ethnicity and American Communities class, I have been thinking a lot about a plethora of things. Hopefully I can get my jumbled thoughts across in this post. Here we go!

When Native land was stolen, there were both Native and white folks who were against it. Their voices were silenced by death. This put fear in people around them and they began to lose hope that just saying they don't want to give up their land would change anything. After all, Martin Van Buren, his predecessors and successors felt it was their manifest destiny to take the land we now call the United States. I've been unlearning so much history that I have been taught. And relearning some things that I have forgotten in these last four weeks.

There is so much history that is not given to us. It scares me. It scares me that some folks are getting more truth than others. During my first discussion section for the class mentioned above, a student mentioned how he read Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States (the book we are currently reading) in high school. He also pointed out that is was assigned in an AP History course. My high school, located in a predominately Latino and Black neighborhood barely started offering AP courses my senior year. I am unsure of the exact location of the other student's high school but because I know that he did not attend the school in his district, it was probably in a better neighborhood than mine. There is a disparity here. As a third year college student, I have been exposed to the history of my race, as well as the history of other underrepresented groups. Unfortunately though, this did not start until I stepped foot on campus as a college freshman. Of course there was that moment in grade school when students were taught about black history because it was February but it is not okay that it stops there. What is disheartening about this is that, many of the underrepresented groups of this country helped build it so Black, Asian, Latino and the history of other disenfranchised groups is American history. Why it is not always included bothers me. It also scares me that if I want to change it, I will probably be shot down a million and one times.

A while back, someone I follow on twitter posed a question that was something along the lines of, "What would happen if parents who knew real history taught their children that instead of just letting them learn the bullshit they teach in schools?"

My short answer to the question is that things would be different. I plan on being on of those parents. My husband and I will educate our little tribe about our history as Black people in relation to people of other races and ethnicities. We will teach them about heteronormativity, ablism, classism and the other isms. We will also talk to them about how there is still hope and love conquers hate.

It cannot just be us though. This has to be a movement. Something has got to change, systematically. I'm learning that even in my little town of Davis, it is difficult to keep on fighting for something when everything around you screams, "NO!" to your dreams of living in a world that is not just tolerant of difference, but actually respects difference and realizes that we are much more the same than different anyway.

I am hopeful that one day, we will live in that type of society. It will take a load of patience and determination, which for me is difficult to keep without being burnt out. So with that... my question is...

And here are some of the responses I have gotten. I want to know what you do to keep on going because I'm struggling here, son!

Word to Palahniuk

2011-03-25T01:42:00.000-07:00

“Our Generation has had no Great war, no Great Depression. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.” -Chuck Palahniuk

Recently I've had a few conversations that were centered around the idea that people have become too content with the way institutions operate. Something needs to be shaken up, stirred, mixed. It has gotten to the point where people just think the fact that the government funds more money in prisons than the education system is normal and that we, as citizens, do not have the power to change it. How is that okay?

*waits for response* Can't think of anything? That's because it is not okay.

Although a war in Libya started last week and there is a recession going on, I am feeling Chuck on this one. It's not just these things though... education is constantly facing cuts, hate crimes are happening across the nation and corporations are taking advantage of people. There are not a lot of people that are even worried about these things. Or maybe that's just my observation. And if they are paying attention to what's going on in the world, they do not care enough to do anything about it.

With that being said... Chuck is right on the ball. The fact that people do not care means something. It means that people are not aware. We are more worried about ourselves than the well-being of people around us. And while I understand that people need to take care of themselves first, that doesn't mean that we cannot be nice to one another. It's scary to me when I smile at someone and they don't smile back. Just smiling at another person can improve their day. Is that too much to ask? (And did you know it takes more muscles to frown than to smile?) This is a very small example but I think it gets the point across.

We have lost the ability to love. The levels of depression are on the rise and people are growing more and more detached from their spirits.

I believe that people are capable of so much when they are in touch with their spirituality. But when we are distracted by television, technology and the illusion that we only have time for certain things, we lose sight of that. So, word to Chuck. The war is a spiritual one.

And word to Janelle Monae on "Cold War" because I feel like she's much better at singing what I'm trying to say here.

So, what are you fighting for?

2011-03-23T23:38:00.000-07:00

To be honest, the last couple months I've been feeling something different like everyday. Most days could have been given this rating:

I was frustrated with myself and people around me, on a constant basis. It was unhealthy. I gave most people the idea that I was always in control though. Of course there were those people that could just tell that I wasn't in a good space.

I tend to keep myself busy when I'm stressed and this quarter, I always had my hands in some project. I grew tired though and thought about throwing in the towel at some points without weighing out all the options and consequences that would follow.

Even though I said I would take time every once in a while to reflect on myself and what I could do to improve my life for the better, that got pushed to the back burner. I found myself complaining to my roommates a lot. I stopped talking to people at home as much as I was in January. And I started biting my tongue even more than usual.

Fortunately though, I've had a few good conversations with folks I trust. "Never underestimate the power of your voice" is what one person told me. Others said that I just needed to focus on myself and then worry about other things. I have chosen to take their advice. I'm getting back to happy. Back to when I smiled for no reason other than just being alive, which is a gift in itself.

2011-02-27T17:20:00.000-08:00

I keep playing this video. I LOVELOVELOVE it!! I have posted it on both my facebook and tumblr. I figured I should share it with my blogger folks as well.

To me, it displays love in its purest form. It's beautiful.

progress...

2011-02-22T22:34:00.001-08:00

Feeling better than I did last night. Today I got to come home earlier than usual, finished a paper, ate a pot pie with my roomie and made kool-aid. Even though there is a lot to be done, I cannot complain.

Also, I just downloaded Dreamweaver. Let's see if I can make this blog look a little better.

2011-02-21T21:27:00.000-08:00

I am unsure if I am just am emotional wreck because my hormone levels are up or because there is a reason to be emotional. Either way, I need to feel better, and soon!

2011-02-14T21:16:00.000-08:00

Dear Almond Joy,

You made me smile this weekend. Thank you for being so delicious despite the fact that you are sometimes considered an older person's candy of choice. I hope to meet you again in the near future. :D

Until next time,

Your weekend lover.

"You're Not There Yet."

2011-02-14T20:45:00.000-08:00

I have always been that girl that liked to work in solitude. More work seems to get done that way, or at least that was how I felt about my experience. Working in groups has never really been fun for me. Crazy thing about my ideology is that it is very contradictory of my action. Since my undergraduate career started, I have volunteered to be in leadership positions which involves working with people. People with different communication styles, work ethics and ideas about life, in general.

With that being said, earlier this school year, I decided to help organize a delegation to attend the African Black Coalition Conference, an annual gathering of African and African American students in the University of California system. Finally all the hard work of getting 80 students to travel 400 miles to UCLA would be put to the test.

To put it simply, his weekend was an intense one. I learned so much about myself and about the people I work with. And the idea that not everyone is always going to be happy keeps getting more factual in my book every day.

With that being said, I'm becoming more comfortable with conflict which is something that has been on my avoidance list for most of my life. I actually asked my co-workers a couple weeks ago how to deal with conflict and this weekend, I got to use some of their advice. It was a stressful experience to say the least, but it was a moment of growth for me. Both growth closer to people and growth within myself.

One of the keynote speakers for the weekend, Dr. Darnell Hunt, actually touched on this a bit while he was on stage. He was pretty amazing. He kept is real for us. He discussed what it took to be a leader in life, and more specifically leaders on our campuses and respective communities.

His four points of advice are:

1. Know your history
How can you make improvements if you do not know what leaders before you have done? Learning about the actions of our ancestors have taken to make improvements could help improve our experiences with improving society.

2. Familiarize yourself with your administration
This was related to the university, but I think this advice can be directed toward anyone. Being knowledgeable about the institutions which you are trying to change is important because with that comes the knowledge of knowing what can and cannot be done.

3. Set goals for yourself
"It's better to say that something didn't happen because there needs to be more work around it, not because you never even tried to put forth any effort." Word to Dr. Hunt! My list of goals is currently in the works. I need to stop talking and just start walking.

4. Self-reflect
I am learning more and more each day how important this is. Reflecting can help you see what you need to improve and make changes to meet those improvements. Also, you must check yourself before you can check anyone else.

And the words that spoke to me most: "You're not there yet." There is always room for growth. If there wasn't, what would be the point of even living, right? So with that, I will be reflecting on what I can do better and improving myself before telling someone else what they need to do.

Thoughts?

Dear Society,

2011-01-29T14:09:00.000-08:00

I am becoming frustrated with you. From the people I come in contact with on a daily basis who lack respect for other human beings to the judge who sentenced Kelley Willams-Bolar to 10 days in jail and 3 years probation for sending her children to a better school because the schools in her neighborhood are under funded. Shit is getting real, fast. And the fact that I feel like I'm unsure how to effectively make a change is bothering me. In opposition to that, the fact that I know I can be a part of a huge change makes me hopeful.

Cornel West said, "Too many young folk have addiction to superficial things and not enough conviction for substantial things like justice, truth, and love." It sucks that people I look up to feel like way about my generation. But I know a number of people between 18 and 22 that want more, and care so much more about substantial things.

With that being said, we shall prove ourselves. The fact that I know there will be no hand outs makes me even more passionate. So, I'm brainstorming. #thatisall

sincerely,
a woman who is a change agent

20 days.

2011-01-23T23:53:00.000-08:00

That is how long it's been since I blogged last. I just haven't felt motivated to type out my thoughts. And I'm still a bit unmotivated but I wanted to share this photo of my face :D

Hope your lives are well. Hope to share more with you, in the near future.

You helped me grow. Thanks.

2011-01-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

Dear 2010,

You were probably the most stressful year of my life. It was the year that helped me realize that adulthood was upon me. You helped me grow. There were lots of laughs and plenty of tears. Thanks for allowing me to love, hurt, stress, learn, travel, smile, eat good food, dance and have fun.

**It was hard to only select a few photos.

I enjoyed you.

So far, your brother 2011 is treating me well. I plan to enjoy it thoroughly while chasing my dreams!

peace,
Deonna

home BITTERSWEET home: good conversation edition

2010-12-30T19:44:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles and I have a love/hate relationship. Every time I come back, I am reminded of why I left and why I had been trying to leave since the beginning of high school. I love it because some of my favorite people are here and although I may not act like it, there is stuff to do here. And I may not be as close to folks as I once was, but there are a select few that still have a place in my heart. Luckily, I have seen a most of them since I've been back in town.

Every time I come back and meet up with Trachelle of ...organic by DEFAULT, I have a good conversation. She's one of those people I don't see often but that I love seeing. Simply because she's not with the nonsense–one of the few young people I know in LA that is on their game in spite of the environment, the peers and pressures that come with living in Los Angeles county.

It saddens me that many people from my high school graduating class did not meet their own expectations. Many may not have grown as much as you would expect after being out of high school for over two years. Things happen, I know. I also know that not everyone is going to be successful. (But what is success anyway? Who is it really defined by in Western society?) Circumstances come up that you may not have control over, but that cannot be the excuse for everyone. We have free will to make decisions based on our own judgment.

We cannot dwell on that, though. We must move forward with what we do have. I think, as people, we forget how much power we have over our lives. We have the power to change any day that we choose that we want to change something. It does not have to be for the New Year nor when we turn one year older. Today is the day to change... I mean, what if your birthday does not even come? Then what?

In Beverly Tatum's book "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria: And Other Conversations About Race", she discusses how people think we don't have leaders anymore. Trachelle and I also talked about this. I argue that we do have leaders. I believe I've met some. Whether or not they are living up to their potential is another question. I also place myself in that category. I have ideas on how to improve the world, but I have not been putting them into practice. And with that being said, I must change right now.

Until we better ourselves and make some change in the world, we cannot complain about what other folks are doing. As Ghandi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world". We cannot rely on others. It's as simple as that.

turning my frown upside down...

2010-12-24T15:59:00.000-08:00

This week was up and down for me. Felt like Vivian Green, on an emotional roller coaster... felt a bit bi-polar. But big ups to the people I've seen or talked to this week. You've unconsciously brightened up my life... and for that I'm smiling.

During my happiest moment, I told Derrick I felt like a little kid. I plan on trying to stay in that place... just being happy because I am here, alive and well. I was happy because of the most random and small things that might not matter for most people. Last night, my mom bought cupcakes for me... and it sort of made life seem a little sweeter. We ate together. Laughed. Watched a movie and wrapped a few gifts. Was a nice night. Just what I needed.

It is truly the little things in life that make me happy.

2010-12-15T22:46:00.000-08:00

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”
–Frederick Keonig

daydreaming ang i'm thinking of you...

2010-12-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

My boyfriend and I have weekly freewrites. Every other week, I choose a topic. And on the other weeks, he chooses. Last week's topic was A Letter to You–10 years from now.

THIS weeks topic is DAYDREAMS... read and enjoy!

In class, staff meetings, the coffee shop...
Thoughts are constantly colliding.
Driving to campus, a friend's house or Los Angeles...
It does not stop.

Daydreaming and I'm thinking of you...
And by you, I mean fun... you know that thing that people have.

That real, genuine fun.
That kind that screams "I can't believe I just did that but I really loved it!"
Something I haven't had in a long time.

Between work and school...
It's hard to find time for myself.
To enjoy life...

I think I want to sky drive right into a new opportunity.
Bungee jump, tango, go for a hike, or something...
No boundaries, just me and fun.

In my daydreams, I want to paint a picture...
I won't worry about how much something cost.
I won't care about what people think.
Me and fun will just have fun.

In my daydream, I am free.
No boundaries to halt my instincts.
And I'm ready to make this daydream,
my reality.

Yeah. This is NOT my greatest freewrite. I will do better though. This topic was really tough for me. But my boyfriend did right by it. And you can read Derrick's here.

they free us.

2010-12-10T23:42:00.000-08:00

"Wise commitments do not bind us, they free us. To the spiritually immature, commitment is a scary word because it is internalized as bondage. But to the spiritually mature, commitment is the equivalent of freedom because it bestows authentic happiness that cannot be taken away."
-Hill Harper

I have posted this before, I'm sure. It's from Hill Harper's book called "The Conversation", which I haven't read... but I love this quote because I think this is so true. But that's all I'm gonna say...

thoughts?

freewrite.

2010-12-09T12:56:00.001-08:00

I've said it once and I'll say it again....
Love is more than just a four letter word to me...
And like the title that graces Liz Gilbert's book,
I feel like all I really need to do in order to survive is to...
Eat, Pray and Love....

And love knows no boundaries,
Only the ones you out up.
But you see, I aint putting up boundaries,
cause I want our love to grow...
Full and beautiful like a bouquet of lilles...

***Just thoughts jotted down as I wait for my study buddy... maybe I'll finish it later.

Who is Eve Ensler: VDAY and the CONGO.

2010-12-08T12:55:00.000-08:00

Last week, I tried out for the 2011 production of the Vagina Monologues on my campus and I made the cut. In February, I will be on stage. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I don't have much history in theater, so this is going to be a brand new experience. It's also gonna be a lot of time taken away from my already booked up schedule. I think it will all be worth it though....

I told my roommates, mom and Derrick. During the last conversation, Derrick said something about Eve Ensler. And I honestly has no idea who that was. And to me, it made no sense because she is the writer of the Vagina Monologues and the script is sitting on my desktop. That conversation led me to do a little more research on her. Below is a snippet of her biography on the VDAY website:

EVE ENSLER, playwright, performer and activist, is the author of THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES, translated into over 48 languages and performed in over 140 countries, including sold-out runs at both Off-Broadway's Westside Theater and on London's West End (2002 Olivier Award nomination, Best Entertainment) and has been running for 10 years in Mexico City and Paris. In 2004, Ms. Ensler performed her play THE GOOD BODY on Broadway in NYC. This was followed by a 20 city national tour in 2005.

She has changed the way womyn* see their vaginas. And I think it's a beautiful thing!!

If you have never seen the Vagina Monologues, here a little taste! ;)

This year's Vagina Monologues production has an all womyn on color cast, which is beyond amazing, because our voices are often lost in these productions.

Speaking of womyn of color... the folks of VDAY launched a campaign to stop rape and empower the womyn and girls of the Conga. Watch the video:

Building the City of Joy from V-Day Until the Violence Stops on Vimeo.

GET EDUCATED & TAKE ACTION! It's the only way anything will ever change...

*womyn spelled with a 'y'– takes out the reference to man and challenges the normalization of man as a standard.

the way i feel...

2010-12-07T21:01:00.000-08:00

Posted this yesterday and it lasted the whole day. I'm pretty sure I got at least a B+ on my Spanish final. I even got people telling me that this helped them feel a bit more positive about their day. That shows that a little positivity can go a long way. I still feel this way today. I had lunch with my programming partner tuned amazing friend. The food was good. Conversation was great. I was productive. And I am just still happy. I have a final tomorrow and I feel oddly prepared for it.

I think if a person thinks positive, the outcome will more often than not, the outcome will also be positive. It's something I've been trying to practice and so far, so good.

And I'm not saying that I will be positive twenty-four/seven, because I know I have days when I am the most pessimistic person I know, but if people consciously take the step to being positive, it will become a habit and life might be just a little easier to get through and thoroughly enjoy.

Am I alone in this thought? I hope not.

@iamDEONNA

name change.

2010-12-06T22:33:00.000-08:00

liberation. ----> *eternal student of life.

I feel the latter to be more fitting. I'm already free, but I am forever learning.

"The man that knows something knows that he knows nothing at all."
---describes my life right now.

I don't think the quote originated from Ms. Badu. I am pretty sure that a philosopher wrote about it because Derrick has said this to me before.

But it is in her song, "On & On" which I happen to love. Enjoy.

at the end of it all... i want LOVE.

2010-12-06T21:05:00.000-08:00

It's finals season in my town. I have taken one final and I have three more in the next four days. Although I should probably be focused on Experimental Methods and Content Analysis, I find myself here with you, writing down my thoughts. Pondering on the things that were, are and could be. You want to know why? Because it's just much more fun. And I feel like there's much more important things to think about. Who cares about the Empirical Methods of Communication anyway?

I know I don't... so, here are some things I do care about...

MY FUTURE. I could possibly finish my major and minor by next Fall Quarter. Then I would just be in school for almost no reason... just floating by, you know? Taking classes that could or could not help my GPA. But why would I do that when there is so much more to life? As of next year, I will no longer be working as the African Diaspora intern at the Cross Cultural Center. I will no longer be a third year. Who knows if I will still be a member of the Black Student Union or the Nigerian Student Dance Group. I will be a fourth year, hoping to graduate in Spring of 2012. I will be applying to graduate school and hopefully interning at some cool company if I'm actually in the United States. Or maybe I'll be interning in another country. All of these possibilities have been on my brain as of late.

I am constantly thinking about my future. And thinking about what will truly make me happy. Who will still be constant in my life, what moves I will be making, where I will be living... I've come up with a few ideas. With that being said, I've also come to realize that I need to make sure this is what I am supposed to be doing, according to God's plan for me.

Something I've noticed is that people are continuing to tell me what they could see me doing. I used to want that. But as I'm growing older, I simply do not care. It's in part because these are usually folks that do not know me well and just assume my interests. After all, this is my life. And I know this may sound very... uhmmmm... closed minded. I'm unsure if it is the most wise thing to do because some people may be able to give me good guidance, advice and may even be able to link me to important people. I just think it's good if I do what I want, for me and no one else.

So, what do I want, you ask?

I know who I want to be in my life. I know that I want to make a positive change for future generations. I know that I want to travel the world. I know that I want to work for myself and nobody else after graduate school, unless I am working for a magazine or newspaper that I love. I know that I want to be happy. I know that I want to start November 5th. I know that I want to live across the country and abroad for at least a year each. I know I want to be able to travel when I feel like it, even if there is no real purpose.

I feel like a lot of wants are possible to obtain. How I will go about obtaining them is the difficult part. I can go to graduate school. I can apply for Teach for America. I can take a year off, then apply for graduate school. I can just graduate and head straight into the work field, putting graduate school off indefinitely. I could go back home to Los Angeles. I could move to Brooklyn, Savannah, Seattle, Boston, D.C. Portland...

You see my dilemma? I have so many options that it's become hard to choose. Each opportunity is promising.

When it all comes down to the root of what I really want though... I want peace and love. And I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. If I could just create things for a living without having to worry about how I will survive, I would. If I could drop out of college and just travel the world, I would. If we could all be on one accord, loving each other with no poverty, racism, homophobia, sexism, or any other -ism, I think the world would be even more beautiful. Yes, I know that I sound like a hippie, but I want a love bomb to just come to earth and blow away all the people that do not have good intentions. I want everyone to be okay with not having power because I feel that's when people get crazy. I mean... look at Hitler... that dude had a lot of power. And didn't he end up killing millions of people, including himself?

That's just crazy. Where are you, peace/love bomb?

2010-12-04T16:40:00.000-08:00

Going to a university that only has a 3% African and African American population is difficult. There are experiences there that would probably take place less often than at schools with a more diverse population. With that being said, I am very involved in my campus' black community and I work closely with other students that identify with marginalized groups on my campus at the Cross Cultural Center. I am also a member of a Black Women's support group on campus. As the quarter drew to a close, we had our last meeting.

A tradition is to compile songs that keep us grounded and inspire us to keep on fighting, pushing and believing that when everything seems to be crashing down, it is not the end of the world. My pick was Strength, Courage and Wisdom by India.Arie. If you haven't heard it, or want to here it again... check it out below:

Every time I hear this song, I think about how I have everything I need inside already. God has equipped me (and everyone else in the world) with all the tools we need to survive any bumps in the road that may make the journey of life a bit more difficult.

The other women in the group also shared some good songs, such as: Hero by Mariah Carey and Be All Truth by Jesse Boykins III.

Another thing we did during our last meeting time was tell each other what we appreciated about them. One person's feedback in particular meant a lot. She said something to the affect of me being a leader and ahead of my time. It meant a lot because I feel the same way. In that moment, I felt like my thoughts about myself were reconfirmed. Someone also referred to me as soulful. I see it as me being in touch with my soul. In the past few months, that's what I've been trying to reach. The journey is not over, but the fact that I feel like I'm getting close is a beautiful thing.

I pray that I continue to be a leader, striving to be closer to God, discerning what my path truly is and putting all of my plans into action soon. Just talking about them does nothing. Time to walk the talk!

Can any of you relate to my sentiment? Share your stories or any songs that keep you grounded.

Peace.

A Letter to a 30-year old...

2010-12-03T20:56:00.000-08:00

Dear 30-year old Deonna,

I hope you're living in a brownstone or in another beautiful home in the city you've been wanting to live in since you visited, New York. If not, where are you? Do you own a home like you planned too? And are you happy with where you are? I know you wanted to do a lot of things in your life, so how much have you completed? Where did you go to graduate school? Have you changed the world, even a little? I think by this time you should be in a career that you love and working for yourself because I know you don't like tot be under the watch of others. The only person that should be watching you 24/7 is God.

I pray that your relationship with God is on track because we've been up and down with the whole religion thing. Are you believing for you and not for anyone else? I think it's good you questioned though because some folks just go along with religion because it is how they were raised. I guess that is what happens when you're more like your father than anyone would ever know. How is your relationship with him, by the way? Did the momentum you starting in summer 2010 keep moving forward? I hope so!! No need in losing momentum when you've made so much progress, you know?

Are you still in a relationship? Did you and Derrick survive having a long distance relationship in undergrad? Did you all end up going to the east coast after graduation? Did you get married? If so, I hope you and Derrick are on the same page, of the same chapter of the same book. I think that's the key of making a relationship work–that and communication. And going off of that, I'm sure you've learned by now that having REAL conversations with folks can change your attittude, behaviors, perception and reality. At this very moment you are a person whose openness resembles that of a hermit crab. You come out, only when you feel comfortable. Change is necessary and I see you opening up, slowly but surely. Keep evolving, girl! Afterall, you do consider yourself an eternal student of life. Keep learning about yourself and the people, things and places around you.

Places... I wonder how many countries you've been to at this point. 20? 30? 40? Have you reached your goal of 50x50? Have you surpassed your goal? Where have you been? Where do you plan on going? Your best or worst experiences abroad? Have you ever lived abroad? If not, you should!!!!!! And did you, Jamie and Malik ever go to Japan together?

Yo!! If you're 30, Malik is 26. How is he? And the rest of the family? I hope everyone is happy because I think that's the most important thing in life.

Last question... if you could change anything in your life from the past or present, would you and what would it be? I know as of right now, I always say, "I regret nothing. All my experiences make me who I am today", but I'm wondering if anything has changed.

peace & much love,
20-year old Deonna whose still in search of her word and creating herself everyday.

P.S. I love you.

Exploring Los Angeles: The Getty Center

2010-11-29T12:46:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I went back to my hometown of Los Angeles. Between spending time with family, friends and my love... I found my time in the city that I know longer look at as home to be oddly comfortable. Although I don't feel like I have my own space in the home I grew up in for the majority of my life, I do feel great when I'm surrounded by the people I love most.

The Thanksgiving (which happens to up for debate) gathering at my uncle's home was very much needed. I have had conversations where I have talked about how I wish my family was more fun... and I could go on and on about that so we'll save it for a future post. Point is... I don't know what changed but I thoroughly enjoyed the four hours spent around the family I was born into. I love them, straight up!!

After the day of thanks had passed, I was moving on to the day which was my first year anniversary with Derrick. We spent some of the day at the Getty Museum, which happens to be very beautiful.

Here's a few pictures I took.

The garden is the most beautiful feature of the museum, in my opinion.

Wishing I would've taken more. The view from on top of the hill is beautiful. You can check out more pictures on Derrrick's blog.

Unfortunately, the exhibition I found most intriguing prohibited taking photos.

To learn more about the Getty Center, click here.

Location:
1200 Getty Center Drive
Los Angeles, California 90049

Hours:
Monday CLOSED
Tuesday-Friday 10:00 a.m.-5:30 p.m.
Saturday 10:00 a.m.-9:00 p.m.
Sunday 10:00 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

I want to go to museums more often than I do now. What are some museums you all like, love, gotta visit?

reflection

2010-11-15T02:45:00.000-08:00

"Tell me an interesting fact", said the guy I call my boyfriend. Upon answering the question, I thought about the research I had done for work and things I've learned in class. But of course, these responses would not suffice. For the question that was really being asked was, "Can you tell me something that I don't already know about you?", or at least that's how I was taking it from the feedback I was getting from him. I was in deep thought and I found it to be a rather difficult task.

I wondered why it was so hard for me to answer a simple request. Am I not interesting? Do I not know myself? Why am I not allowing myself to go deeper? These are just a few of the questions that ran through my mind...

And as I lay here, about an hour after that conversation, I am still trying to think of something interesting (and of substance) to share.

I feel like I'm still in that "trying to find myself" stage. Like I tweeted a little before this very conversation started... I am a girl in search of her word. It's hard to share facts if you're still learning yourself.

New York, I Love You: Brownstone Edition

2010-11-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

If you are have been a follower of my blog for a while, you may know that I want to move to New York. People always ask me why. I have multiple reasons, really. One of them just happen to be that I love brownstones. I feel it is the type of home I should live in for at least a year of my life. I can see myself decorating it. I just see me, there. Have you ever seen the movie Crooklyn? Have you seen Brown Sugar? You remember the homes they lived in? If not, here's a couple examples.

That pretty much sums up my little ode to the beautiful structure that is the Brownstone. I hear New York calling me. Hopefully I'll be there this time two years from now.

I Turned 20 Yesterday.

2010-11-06T13:30:00.000-07:00

I also cut my hair yesterday. I was scared, but it was definitely something I had been thinking about since last school year. And the answer to your question is, "Because I wanted to." Before I did the "big chop", I found myself thinking about what those close to me, and even those not so close to me, would think about the new do. And in all honesty, their opinions really don't matter. As India.Arie said, "I am not my hair."

Other things I learned on November 5th include:
–My roommates are my sisters, truly. It is on that "you are my sister for life" type of thing. I knew this previous to November fifth, but you know there are just some moments when the things you know are further proved.
–God has truly sent some beautiful people into my life. I got an unexpected call from a classmate, and my partner in programming bought cake to our meeting. These are not super big things, but the fact that they took the time out to think about me and improve my day made me smile. Like seriously, I love my life.

May I continue to grow and my those friendships flourish like flowers in Spring.

It's the first of the month...

2010-11-01T13:43:00.000-07:00

...wake up, wake up, wake up.

October was definitely a month. Lots of ups, and there were also some downs. Now it's time to start a new month off right.

The end of this week marks my 20th year of living. Two days later my little little brother turns one year old. Visiting Santa Barbara in the middle of the month. The twenty-seventh marks a year of a wonderful relationship. In between that, I get to see my family. There's some other stuff in there too. November is gonna be beautiful.

...now back to studying for my midterm.

#randomthoughtswhiletakingabreakfromstudying

2010-10-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

Last week in design, we discussed how design is dependent on and works through constraints. For some reason, as I study for my exam, I can't help but relate this to love, or maybe just my love..

I feel like when you love someone, there is going to be challenges that you all must get through. They are the reasons why your love and relationship grows stronger. They help you learn and grow. I am seeing those challenges as the constraints. And when it is real, love prevails. Love conquers the challenges.

#randomthoughtswhiletakingabreakfromstudying

I'm Going On A Diet

2010-10-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am that blogger that goes on hiatus and there is a reason, multiple actually. Between taking 17 units, working, planning multiple events, trying to maintain a social life, a long distance relationship, and keeping in touch with family, I barely find time to take care of myself. Time has been the major underlying issue. I feel as though, the last month, I have not really had the time to sit down and write my thoughts down. Right now, I'm taking a break from studying, cause I believe I deserve it! :)

I've had a few conversations that led to the idea of "slowing down". I originally did not like the idea because there is just so much I want to do. There is no time to slow down. If anything, I felt like I should be speeding up. My thoughts were something putting in work on a constants basis is the only way to accomplish anything.

Not much has changed about my feelings toward putting in hard work, but trying to do TOO many things at once is not for me. Looking in retrospect, most projects that I have taken my time on have been most successful. When rushing, I end up blowing up because of how overwhelming everything seems to be. It ends up being a terrible look. The only way I can put time into something is to not have so much on my plate. In other words, I need to go on a diet. All of this food has me feeling mighty unhealthy.

I've noticed I have been nothing short of negative for the past month. It has been hard for me to look at the positive in situations. And this issue is all about perception. My mind is choosing to only see the bad. That is changing as I type this.

As of right now, I don't know what exactly I'm scraping off my plate, or if I really will, because I love everything I do. But I know that I can't let everything have control over me. That is just not cool. It may sound cliche but I feel like I have a slightly better outlook on life. And this just goes to show life is a journey, not a destination. You learn stuff along the way and take it with you. Learn anything new about life lately? Share it.

Blessings.

My New Found Love?

2010-10-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

Design 1 has changed my life for the better. It's been about 1 week since I've been in school and so far design is my favorite class. A percentage of my grade comes from a blog that has an overarching theme of 'design in society'. Thus far, I have only made two posts, but check it out, follow if you want. If I learn to learn my blog as much as I love the class, I may continue it when the class is over. That is all, for now.

i never want to stop growing...

2010-09-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

Two years ago, I was college freshman. Today, I can call myself a junior... an upperclassman. I honestly did not know if I would make it this far. But I want to thank God for getting me this far. It truly is a blessing. I've learned so much, met some great people and I really don't want any of this to stop.

Also, today makes 10 months... thanks for teaching me how to love!

*Although I don't really look happy in the photo above, I am. :)

RE-RE-RE-RESPECT!!!!

2010-09-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

My junior year at the University of California, Davis has commenced. Today was my first day of classes. Yes, my first day was on a Thursday! To get straight to the point, it was better than expected. My professor started talking about being respectful in class and went on to play Respect by Aretha Franklin while dancing and getting the whole class on their feet to join in. Way to start off the quarter!!

Things I learned today:

I definitely need to brush up on my Spanish speaking skills.
I think I am going to love Design 1.
I am not as soft spoken as I was two years ago.
Empirical Methods in Communication may not be so bad.
Doing stuff for people can lead to free food!
Two hours of being off my phone is good for me.
Interior design as a career seems interesting to me.

In my design class, my professor showed a clip from the film Amelie. It's a French film that was released in 2001. It looks good to me. I plan on ordering it, or maybe just watching it online once I get internet in my apartment. Anywho, check out the trailer and enjoy!

As I continue this quarter, I will continue to share everything I learn about myself and the world.

Re: Gone til November

2010-09-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

As I write this, I am on my way up north. Musiq Soulchild's "Love" is playing in my mom's truck and I think that's ironic because it is the theme of this post.

After reading Derrick's post about our growth, I felt it only right to blog about it as well. I agree with Musiq when he sings, " Love, so many people use your name in vain." I have been one of those people in the past (to be more specific: in high school and my first year of college). I had that high school sweetheart that everyone thought I would be with forever. Not to knock that relationship down or anything but reflecting back on it now, it was puppy love. In the last nine months and twenty-three days, though, I have grown to know what love really is. And I'm grateful that God sent Derrick to be the one I learn and grow with.

A few months back, someone said being in a relationship is hard work. I disagreed wholeheartedly because Derrick and I's relationship seemed to be picture perfect. Fortunately, stuff got real at the crack of dawn. If you never have disagreements, you're probably not talking about the things that are bothering you. And in that case, I think you're playing yourself and your partner. You're supposed to check each other when things aren't as good as you'd hoped or wished.

That was what this morning's 3 a.m. conversation on my porch was about. Yes, we were talking on my porch in Compton, California at 3 in the morning. It was something necessary. For me it validated why I'm in this relationship. I only cry in moments that I feel safe. In those moments, vulnerability is not something to be afraid of. I cried this morning.

This summer, I've learned that I am willing to be vulnerable with this beautiful man that God has placed into my very chaotic life. The fact that I even care that I'm mad when we have a disagreement shows me a lot because most times, I could care less. I am in love. I am willing to put in work to make this last. After all, team work does make the dream work.

The UNDERRATED Friendship.

2010-09-08T01:25:00.000-07:00

I was over at Until I Get Married, which happens to be one of my new everyday reads and it made me think. The post is titled "Man Seeks Girl Friend". To sum things up, Jozen wrote about not needing a girlfriend but a girl friend. You know that friend of the opposite sex that you never have, and never will have feelings for. And I completely feel him. Except, I have a boyfriend so I feel him for reasons slightly different than those he described.

There has always been this thought in the back of my head that if I am friends with a guy, something more will come out of it. Since middle school, I have had that one guy that started as a real close friend which lead to, most times unsuccessfully, something more. I have avoided guys' friendship because I do not want to deal with that. So, being in a relationship has made me steer away from building relationships with other guys even more.

I began to think, why do I consider myself that great that every guy who approaches me wants more than friendship. That is simply egotistical. I thought about all the guys in my life that I can consider a friend. There are three. And you can tell me a million times, if you can say you've made one good friend in your lifetime, then you're good. But I am so over that saying. Yes, I have those friends that I will be with until the end of time, but virtually none of them are guys. My boyfriend says that you cannot really choose who you are friends with. I disagree.

You can very well choose who you are friends with. I have chosen to push guys away because I have always thought they wanted more than friendship. I believe, although without any personal experience, men and women can have a strictly platonic relationship.

Two posts ago, I talked about building relationships that have gone a little downhill because of me allowing others to influence those relationships. Some of those have been with guys who could have made great friends. I'm sorry to the guys I have pushed away. I'm ready to start fresh.

When I broke up with my first boyfriend, I told him that the breakup was not about him, it was about me. It wasn't that "it's not you, it's me" type of thing. Or at least that's not how I meant it. I just needed to think about myself first. I'm learning, though, that sometimes I need to think about myself and others simultaneously. Focusing on myself is good, but I've been doing that for most of my life. It's time to let more people in. I need to put a little more focus on building my relationships.

Not too many though. That could cause destruction.

don't force it...

2010-09-07T06:36:00.001-07:00

I have been putting off blogging for about a week now. And I actually opened up this form last night, but had no idea what to write about. I thought of sharing photos of the last few weeks, although there isn't many. That felt forced. I thought about posting a video. That also felt forced. But I will share some things.

For someone that tells people not to over think things, I sure have been thinking a lot lately. But I think it's safe to say, for now, I want to keep those thoughts to myself and those close to me.

In my last post, I brought up fixing relationships that have been broken. I'm doing just that, but it may be killing another relationship that is very dear to me.

University life begins again in two weeks and two days. I am heading up north in five days. It is a bittersweet type of thing.

In church this past week, my bishop talked about trusting God to show you what to do. You can either learn through wisdom or consequences. This is to say, you can take advice from someone that has been through the same situation as you and avoid the pain. Or you can learn from experience. There was a lot more, but I'm thinking I'd rather learn through wisdom.

That is all, for now.

collide...

2010-08-26T02:35:00.000-07:00

[disclaimer: these are just thoughts running through my mind while I can't sleep.]

As my friends head back to school, I am left with virtually nothing to do but think. Thus far, this week has been full of reflection.

It is 2:18 AM and I'm up... "The Best Man" is playing on my TV screen, but I'm not really paying attention. Thoughts just keep colliding into each other. I sit in the corner of the couch in the den, which happens to be my favorite spot in this house. I was tweeting my life away until my internet started being janky. So, here I am again... thinking.

Thinking about all the things I have done in my nineteen years, nine months and twenty-one days of my life... and all of the things to come.

I feel like in my past, I have let many influence my decisions. Decisions about relationships (romantic and otherwise), school, religious beliefs, spending habits... basically everything that matters.

But over the last six or so months, I've learned that when "shit hits the fan" I can't go back and blame anyone but myself for the decisions I have made. I am an adult and blaming anyone for anything that may go opposite of what I expected is just plain irresponsible.

So, I am going to fix relationships that were ruined because of advice I received from someone that just went through it. I will write like there is no tomorrow. I am going to apply for an internship even though people think that I will have too much going on to manage. Time management is key and I know I can do it....

But I'm going to stop talking about what I am going to do and just do it. It's all about walking the walk...

Time Waits For No One...

2010-08-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

"you have time."
"you have plenty of time."
"don't worry; you'll find your passion soon enough."
these are the phrases i kept hearing my first quarter.
and as my first year of college came to a close...
i am still in this state of uncertainty.
i love to use charcoal to mark up the canvas while starring at my face in the mirror-i could be the creator of beautiful pictures.
i enjoy giving advice to my friends and family-yet i can't give myself advice-i could be that psychiatrist that can solve the problems of every one of her patients, but has a laundry list of issues to solve for herself.

and as i tell my peers and the faculty members, "i'm unsure of my major..."
"you have time."
"you have plenty of time."
"don't worry; you'll find your passion soon enough."
these are still the words coming out of their mouths.
they try to reassure me that i am not alone.
but i like to think of myself as a perfectionist; i need to have a plan. i like to tell others that i "let things flow" but when it comes to my future, i need a sense of security.

now, what's a girl to do?

----------

If you have ever seen me on my MacBook, you have probably seen the many notes I have on the stickies application. I would not be surprised if I counted more than fifty of them. I use them to jot down ideas, frustrations, quotes that I love, to-do lists and random thoughts that probably would not matter to anyone else. I write them and never delete them, until today.

While trying to clean up the mess that was created, I read a sticky with the above writing. It was entitled "LOST". It was written summer after my freshman year. Now it is summer before my third year of undergrad. So, it has been about a year...

I have always been that person that is interesting in EVERYTHING. And my love for each is almost equal. This is the same with my choice of majors. Freshman year, I went from wanting to be an Art Studio-Communications double major to a Neurobiology, Physiology and Behavior major. Now if those are not two opposite ends of the spectrum, I don't know what is.

In a year, things have changed and I am more sure of my career goals, and in turn I know what I should claim as a second major. First though, I must speak with an advisor to make sure this academic feat that I am trying to reach is even possible. Wish me luck, pray for me, send me positive energy because I will need all of it. With God and my support system, I'm sure I will be able to achieve my goals. I'm going higher!

Technicolor Lover: Ms. Amanda Diva

2010-08-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

Amanda Diva has been a radio personality, a poet, an artist and has done many more amazing things that can go without saying. But I will say that she has put out more than 5 mixtapes in her career. Her lastest being Spandex, Rhymes & Soul which happens to be in my iTunes library. You can cop that here.

Last school year, she hosted Stomp Fest at my university, and it was amazing!! Amanda kept the audience entertained and continues to host events at schools across the nation.

She's always doing something new and this time, she's bringing us into her life with a reality show, hosted by Creative Control.com

Check this link to enter into a day in the life of Amanda Diva ---->> CreativeControl.com

[This is episode four, but you can catch up with previous episodes by clicking the technicolor tag on the right sidebar.]

2010-08-20T15:52:00.000-07:00

laptop and internet. sierra turkey sandwich, broccoli cheddar soup, and frozen strawberry lemonade from panera bread. this is my happy place when i don't feel like being at home and there is virtually no where else to go.

the city is calling my name...

2010-08-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel as though, you're not where you belong? Or maybe that there is more of the world that you need to see? Maybe there is something in another part of the world that you need to see, learn about... just maybe there are people there that you need to meet, experiences that you may not even be able to experience in the place that you are located? [please excuse my run-on question] This is the way I feel about New York. I have felt like this since I visited in 2007. In fact, I has the opportunity to do my undergrad there. The university was not in the city, though. The school was in some boondock area near the state's capital, Albany. The town seemed like something from a horror movie. I felt like I wouldn't have the experience that I was hoping for in the woods. Also, I just may not have been ready to make that big move. In two years though, I will be ready. New York is where I will be, God willing.

Don't get me wrong, I love my hometown but every time I am back here for a vacation or a short visit I am reminded of why I left. And the rest of the world has so much more to offer me. There are lessons out there that the streets of Compton will fail to give me. Davis, where I currently go to school, has taught me a lot, but its time will come to an end in two years when I walk across that stage.

Graduate school is my plan after graduation. Just looking at all of the possible programs I can participate in and do research has me excited. And if, I don't end up in NY, I plan to be very near.

...I just wish I could take a few people, ideas, aspects of my life in my hometown with me.

my favorite uncle.

2010-08-16T15:20:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks back, my family and I went to Riverside. Cause for the trip, you ask? To visit my favorite uncle. He is buried out there. He passed away the summer before my senior year in high school. I feel as though, I never dealt with his loss because I was so busy filling out college applications and having fun with all my high school friends.

Going to the cemetery with my family helped me to release all the pain that I had inside me. He was one of the best people I've known in my lifetime. And although I miss him, I will continue to live on.

I wanted to share a piece I wrote to him a few months back. Read and enjoy.

Dear Uncle June,

I cried at your funeral. I was scheduled to speak but once I got to the podium, words got stuck in my throat and tears began to flow from my eye sockets. I was choked up and I feel like I was never able to give you a proper goodbye but I can say that I tried. I wanted to spend an entire day, no---an entire week, with you. Drive on the highway, site see, eat at a few good diners... take a road trip because that was your favorite thing to do, you know?

And I knew they were going to pull the plug but I couldn't bring myself to get in the car that summer day and ride to the hospital with my mom. I wanted to have fun, smile, laugh. It was hard and I was selfish. I did not want to cry... I just wanted you to live and I knew that things were not about to go my way.

Before I left for Spain, I was hopeful that when I came back, everything would be back to normal. No more bed rest, no more hospital visits, and definitely no more worrying. But when I came back, that was not the case... everything was worse when I came back. You were in the hospital, you could barely speak a word and I wanted to cry but I knew that wouldn't have helped the situation. Why had you neglected yourself for so long? You knew that you had cancer, but you didn't tell a soul until it was too late. You continued to help others, eat unhealthily and put yourself last. You never said no, not to a single soul. Not even to a person that had never done anything good for you. I wish you had learned to say no. I'm beginning to think they should start teaching that skill in school. I don't want others to go through what you when through.

And I don't want to blame you for being gone. I just can't help but think selflessness killed a great man. If for once, you would have thought of yourself, you know... been a little selfish, I think you would have still been here. A part of my college experience. You were supposed to come visit me... We were supposed to go to New York together... remember that? The family hardly even goes to Vegas anymore... but when we do go and stop at that McDonalds, I think of you. And every time I see a green '94 Ford Explorer, I miss you. And I can't help but think that selflessness killed a great man. You picked me up after my newspaper meetings in 10th grade when I was too selfish to just take the bus home. I miss you.

But I'm tired of missing people. And I don't want to have to miss anyone else. My mom though, she's starting to do the same things you did. Help everyone but herself. And I don't think I would be strong enough to lose another person that is so important to my life. I told her to be selfish, but she's a bit stubborn like you were. Like brother, like sister, huh?

Uncle June, you were a great man. NO, you are a great man. I will continue to make your dreams come true. I will travel the world for you. I will listen to KNX 1070 to check the traffic. I might even try liver for you. And I'll be a little, and I mean a little, selfless for you.

I miss you, Uncle June. But I will continue to live because if I didn't I know you would be sad.

With sincerity and a lot of love,

Your niece, Deonna Nishay.

Blogger Spotlight: Macaroni to my Cheese!

2010-08-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

Approximately one year ago, I met a boy in the living room of a middle school classmate. Little did I know he would change my life for the better. Derrick is driven, but not too serious. I would also describe him as hilarious, kind, and beautiful. He compliments me well. And to put it simply, he is the macaroni to my cheese.

Blogging is one of the reasons we held our first conversation and he now has a blog of his own. ------> Sleepless Nights <------ In the blog, he will give you a look into his world. Derrick values his family, crew and God! They keep him pushing despite the obstacles he faces on the daily. He lives a life that has an equal balance of work and play. His blog will highlight both, as well as give some of his thoughts on many aspects of life. After all, he is a philosophy major!

Don't hesitate to click the link, read, enjoy and hit that follow button!!

Summer, thus far.

2010-08-11T17:47:00.000-07:00

For most, summer is coming to a close. Fall semester is right around the corner, and peoples schedules will be filled with studying and extracurricular activities. For me though, summer is a month away from being over. Because I am on the quarter system, I start the school year later and end late. Yay and nay. Yay because I have more time to relax. Just chill in my hometown, enjoy downtime before my junior year begins. I'm anticipating little free time but LOTS of fun.

Nay because most of my friends will be busy with school so I might just be in the city of Los Angeles, trying to fit into their schedules. Hopefully though, I'll get my act together and start on a couple projects that I have been thinking up with a few friends since last summer. It's grind time, son!!

Summer 2010 has treated me good. From the moment I took my last final until now as I lay in my mother's bed, I've grown and just enjoyed the people around me. Of course, the road hasn't been smooth the entire time but overall, I have no complaints. The good outweighs the bad, ya know?

This post is an ode to my amazing summer. Let me say first, that summer 2009 sucked! I was bored for most of it because I had nothing to do. People around me were in the same position. I was working at Wal-Mart which I absolutely hated so I quit as soon as another opportunity presented itself.

Summer 2010 is just the opposite. I'm just gonna let the photos speak, which happen to be out of chronological order.

Peace from Los Angeles

Say You'll Go - Janelle Monae

2010-08-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

The song above is possibly my favorite song on Janelle Monae's album. I was singing it and the word "nirvana" is in it. Of course, I've heard the word before but never really thought about its meaning. Through the context of the song, I understood but I wanted to look it up to confirm my thoughts so I used the handy-dandy dictionary on my desktop.

nirvana |nərˈvänə; nir-|
noun Buddhism
a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and samsara. It represents the final goal of Buddhism.
• Hinduism liberation of the soul from the effects of karma and from bodily existence.
• a state of perfect happiness; an ideal or idyllic place : Hollywood's dearest dream of small-town nirvana.

ORIGIN from Sanskrit nirvāṇa, from nirvā ‘be extinguished,’ from nis ‘out’ + vā- ‘to blow.’\

Also, if you haven't heard Janelle's ArchAndroid, give it a listen. It's dope!!

Here's a little taste of its goodness!

I've learned...

2010-08-10T11:37:00.000-07:00

It's better to just do than to talk about what you're going to do. In the end, your work will speak for you. If you talk about how you're doing this and that... then nothing ever comes to past, you'll end up looking mighty stupid. Just some thoughts running through this here mind of mine.

And on that note, I'm just gonna start doing.

Exploring Los Angeles: Tomato Pie

2010-07-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

This summer, I have come to the realization that although I have lived in Los Angeles for nearly two decades, I don't really know LA. I'm on the path to changing that though.

This past Tuesday, I attended Da Poetry Lounge, which I have been to in the past but I had never really walked down the streets near it. After Tuesday, I have a new outlook on Los Angeles. I was not in the most glamorous area of LA, but it was beautiful, nonetheless. With restaurants, thrift stores and other shops such as Johnny Cupcakes, The Hundreds and HUF, I felt inspired. There was this culture around me that I am not used to in my stomping ground of Los Angeles. Fairfax and Melrose is a place that I definitely plan to visit more often.

While on that side of town and waiting for Da Poetry Lounge to begin, the boyfriend and I stopped at a place to get some food.

If you couldn't see that it's called Tomato Pie. I would describe it as a hole in the wall type of place. I probably would not have paid much attention to it without Derrick pointing it out.

I would like to think of myself as the pizza connesuir. It's my favorite food and I could probably live on it, along with water, orange juice, peaches and pineapples.

The pizza is no Round Table, which happens to be my favorite pizza restaurant, but it sufficed at the time. I can say that I have had worse though. For instance, I am not a big fan of Little Ceasars Pizza. It tastes really cheap to me. But you pay for what you get, right? Their large pizzas at $5 for goodness sakes!!

Tomato Pie aims to bring East Coast Flavor to the streets of Los Angeles. I can't say that I would recommend the joint to friends, but I'll give it a three out of five.

I wish I would've taken more pictures. Check out Tomato Pie. And if you're ever in the city, give it a try. You might like it better than I do.

-Deonna

Up and Coming: Jermaine Clark

2010-07-21T01:09:00.000-07:00

Jermain Clark is a 23 year old student and artist, currently located in St. Louis, Missouri. Jermaine's interest include fashion and music, in particular Hip Hop, which has been a major influence in his art work. Who doesn't love Hip Hop? I know I do! A few of his favorite musical artist are Big Sean, The Cool Kids, and Asher Roth.

One of his most recent pieces include more of his favorite artists: Kid Cudi, Drake and Wale.

As described on his blog, named Kriteek'd, "We are always being watched/judged, especially those who are pursing things that would be considered “different” by society or in my case, entering the competitive world of art. I feel like the criticism that we get should be embraced and taken as a tool to keep chasing our dreams."

In other words, we should take in all the opinions from others, appreciate them and use them as fuel to keep pushing and moving forward in order to reach our dreams. I could not agree more. Criticism can be a good thing and sometimes even help us improve more than we ever could without it. Keep on pushing despite the toughness that comes in the field of art, and any other field.

Below is a video of his "I AM KRITEEK'D" Urban Art Show.

See more of his work on Kriteek'd. Start spreading the word about this Up and Comer!!

In the words of "If you're not being talked about, you're doing something wrong."

---Peace & Love,
Deonna Nishay

Up & Coming!

2010-07-21T00:53:00.000-07:00

I got a great idea from a blogger friend whose blog happens to be under construction at the moment (I may refer you all to his blog in the future). Basically, I'm going to start featuring Up & Coming artist of all types (painters, poets, cartoonist, dancers, etc.). If you like to be featured or know anyone who should, leave a comment. I also plan on setting up an email for this blog, in hopes that it will grow.

-Deonna

More About Nothing!

2010-07-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

I love good music. I'm excited!!

via Treyning Day

Admiration: Black is Beautiful Edition

2010-07-15T06:16:00.000-07:00

I was talking to one of my friend's mother... kind of a second mother. I was telling her how I felt a little awkward at times since I've been in Japan. I'm virtually the only black person in the country. Lol. I've gotten a few stares. I felt like I was an avatar stepping into the human world. But today though, I felt admired.

Thursday is field trip day and this Thursday's destination was the Ninja Museum of Igaryu. We got to see a demonstration of some ninja techniques. It was pretty dope, but that is not the point.

I decided to sit near those ladies above. They were very interested in me. In that photo above, we were actually posing for a photo (taken by another camera, hence the reason we are not looking toward my camera) cause they wanted to take one with me. At first, I felt weird (like I was a statue in a museum or something) but I figure African Americans don't frequent Japan often. I'm okay with their amusement with my darker skin and different hair texture. After all, black is beautiful.

life lesson #8625

2010-07-14T08:59:00.000-07:00

The administration at the University of California constantly preaches about how diverse the student population is. How can a university that has a 2% population of African Americans, < 1% population of Native Americans, and a population of Asian/Asian American and Caucasian combined that accounts for over half of the student population be considered diverse? Programs are apparently in place to recruit and retain students that are underrepresented on campus. My place of employment happens to be one of those resources.

The mission of the Cross Cultural Center is geared toward creating harmony between groups that are historically opposed to each other, for many different reasons. And many people say or think that because the CCC exist, there is an automatic sense of diversity on campus. When in fact, most students have never even heard of it, or they don't know where to find it on campus. This is not to say that the CCC isn't working, because I believe that many students have found the CCC to be a home away from home. But I still know a lot of people that stick to only their ethnic group, people that have the same sexual orientation, or share other identity in which they have in common.

I can't really knock these people because I have been one of them. Although my workplace is one that promotes diversity and cultural awareness, most of the people I hang out with are of African descent. It's where I feel most comfortable. Why, you ask? I grew up in a predominately African American neighborhood for most of my life. I've attended schools where at least fifty percent of the student population is African or African American. I am trying to expand my horizons. It's a work in progress. Most of my friends that are not of African descent have been made because of some type of protest on my campus, a mutli/cross-cultural event or some type of club collaboration. Other than that, I usually don't feel comfortable starting up a casual conversation with people that don't share the same ethnic background.

Before my program in Japan began, I figured I would probably be the only Black student. I was anxious about not being able to relate to people. I thought finding things in common would be more difficult. I thought our interest would be different. Fortunately, my experience has been more pleasant than expected. There are a few things I would like to change. I will definitely suggest some PEACE training for a few folks before this is over. [PEACE training for those that do not know is a Peer Education program on campus that I am involved in. We facilitate discussions for groups on racism, privilege, the relationship between race, gender and sexuality.]

But I have found more common ground than I do with some Black folks I have met in my lifetime. I feel like this shouldn't be new to me, but I think being in my safe bubble of African Americans and people that understand me because they also identify with being a person of color, has taken me out of the world as a whole. I'm glad I got to step out.

Tonight, my roommates and a few other people in the program kind of touched on this during casual conversation (which sparked this blog post). I expressed how I don't know many people outside of my bubble and they can relate (something in common). We're committed to breaking those boundaries. I guess I'm able to make change outside of my safe space called the CCC. They have trained me well.

And I must admit, although I was a little homesick, I'm really happy I enrolled in this program. Otherwise, I probably would have never met 21 very diverse, talented and amazing college students from my own university and a couple other sister universities. During orientation, my professor talked about how we would become a family. I disregarded that at the beginning but it really does feel like we all get along well like a little family, even though I've only known these people for about three weeks. I think because the program is only 4 weeks, we had to open up much more quickly. I like it. I've met some people that I'd love to build a friendship with.

It's a good look!

And I should be sleeping now because I have to leave for a field trip at 7:45 am.

Peace & Love,
D

p.s. that life lesson number is totally made up.

Museums and Temples and Shrines, Oh My!!

2010-07-13T06:54:00.000-07:00

A lot of our fields trips are to the above mentioned. Museums and Temples and Shrines, oh my! I have enjoyed most of the places we've been. What I like most about some of our destinations would have to be how much nature surrounds the area. Living in LA has allowed me to get out of touch with nature. There aren't many trees in the city. The Japanese on the the other hand are very in touch with nature. Even in the big cities that I've visited, there are lots of trees, animals and other plants. I have enjoyed being one with nature. I'm going to miss it. :( But I will make an effort to go for a hike or something of that nature when I get back to the states.

Deonna Love the Kids...

2010-07-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

My younger cousins are usually at my house. I used to be a TA for kindergarten and pre-school students. Little kids just make me happy, unless they're being really obnoxious. That's where I drew the line and throw up the deuces. Luckily for me, I didn't have to peace out when I visited a elementary and junior school last week with my classmates.

I learned that Japanese schools are run differently than those in America. For some reason, I expected it to be really strict but it was the opposite. Teachers gave students freedom. And what impressed me was that the students did not take advantage of the freedom. The spoke to each other from time to time but when it was time to listen and get stuff done, they were on it. And I don't think that it was just because Americans were in the classroom.

One thing I noticed was that as schooling progresses, things get a little more structured. A couple aspects that I took notice to include clothing and seating arrangements. The elementary school students did not have to wear a uniform. Junior high school students, however, have a dress code. Girls must wear skirts. Students wear slippers once they enter the school and there is a gendered difference between slippers. Girls are to wear red, while boys wear blue. Gender is more visible in the Junior High. The seating of the classroom is a great example of this. There are pairs of desks lined up in three columns in the classroom. The girls sat on the left and boys on the right. I found that really interesting. I wonder what the CCC (my place of employment) interns and professional staff would think. We try our best to be gender-neutral. Miwaka Junior High is doing just the opposite, which could be seen as both a good thing and a bad thing.

A downside of the whole experience was the language barrier. I am not even close to fluent in Japanese. It kind of sucks, but what can you do? [Sidenote: I want to be fluent in at least four languages before I die] The elementary students were so adorable but I couldn't understand much of what they were trying to convey to me. They have a very short English lesson everyday so they haven't got that much exposure. The Junior High School students knew more, but they weren't fluent. I wish I could have spoke to them more.

No matter what though, I enjoyed myself A LOT. They definitely brought a smile to my face. Here are some photos!

Peace & Love from across the Pacific.

sign me up!

2010-07-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

I have always and forever will be a fan of art. From dance to sculpture and music to just simple doodling. I love it all. And I've found a new obsession: animation. I was talking to one of my current classmates about it and she told me how she took a history of animation class. That just sounds so interesting to me. Animation has come a long way and studying it is appealing to me. How many people do you know can say that they've studied the history of animation? I'm wondering if my school has an animation class. If so, sign me up!

BTW, I think I should have gone to art school. The more I'm exposed to all of the beauty art has to offer, the more I realize that I am not a math and science type of girl. That's why I have only taken one science class in my years of undergrad.

But I'm going off on a tangent. The point was to simply post a video. But let me give you a little background info. I saw an amazing animation (ahhhhh! alliteration!!) a couple months ago, which you can check out here. It's about 20 minutes but it's just so freaking GREAT that I couldn't stop watching it. Plus it had a great story line.

The video below is someone I just watched over at mahoyo.com. It's pretty interesting. Enjoy!

BIG BANG BIG BOOM - the new wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

I'll admit it...

2010-07-09T00:56:00.000-07:00

[WARNING: This post is NOT about Japan, well kind of.]

I was having a little chat with one of my roommates for the program I'm in. She said she was feeling a bit homesick. And to be honest with you, I am too. I love Japan, I really do but not having people around that you know well can be uncomfortable. Funny thing is, when I moved away to college I knew no one but I didn't feel this way.

Maybe it's because my college is only about 400 (more or less) miles away from home, but now I'm across the Pacific ocean. To get home, I can't just hope in my car and drive on the highway for about six hours. I was talking to my boyfriend about it and he basically told me to suck it up which is easier said than done.

I've learned in the past two weeks that I'm easily annoyed, at least by people that I don't know well. I think I just have a lower tolerance of people I don't know.

But enough of the negativity. I vid chatted with my boyfriend and one of my old friends today (shout out to Jack). They really just gave me taste of home. I also love when I talk to my mom, even though I know my cell phone bill is gonna be hella expensive (good thing she's paying for it). Thanks, mom!

The Blacker the Berry, the Sweeter the Juice?

2010-07-04T16:33:00.000-07:00

Okazaki, Japan has a lot of bugs. Mosquitoes, cacadas and huge spiders which I do not know the formal name of, just to name a few. Someone told me if you have sweeter blood than those around you, you are more likely to get bit by a mosquito.

I am in a room of six girls and apparently, I have the sweetest blood. I just keep getting bit. This morning, I woke up to this.

You probably can't see how big it is in that photo though.

But look at the comparison. (actually, I think it looks worse in person). Luckily it doesn't itch or hurt. I wonder if it's even a mosquito bite. Hmmmmmm...

Thank you.

2010-07-04T04:21:00.000-07:00

I appreciate YOU following me, for whatever reason that you do. Continue to comment, I love reading them.

Anything you would like to see?

Yukata: The Summer Kimono

2010-07-04T04:15:00.000-07:00

The Japanese are very detail oriented. They use only the amount necessary, no more and no less. Everything must be done to perfection or not done at all. From my cultural lessons to the field trips we've taken, I've learned that the Japanese feel it is better to watch and learn. Asking questions is not the way gain knowledge. In our kimono wearing cultural lesson, this was also demonstrated. Our sensai (or professor) just showed us how to put it on, without words (unless it was absolutely necessary).

The finished product! :)

Do you think it's better to watch and learn?

Welcome to Toyota City!

2010-07-04T03:36:00.000-07:00

[My mom told me that my brother asked when I was gonna blog again. So, this one is for you, Malik!! I love you!]

Did you know that the car company TOYOTA has a city? If not, now you do! It's located in Japan. Their headquarters, a factory and a museum can all be found in the small city! And I got to visit! The factory was so legit. The way they made the cars is just so efficient. I have a new found respect for folks that build cars. I don't think I could do it. And I also learned Japan doesn't have the same Toyota models as the United States. I actually like the Japanese models better, but what can ya do? The experience inside the factory was pretty exciting. Makes me want to go to other car factories. Unfortunately, I didn't get to take pictures from inside the factory. But below are a few from the museum which was also pretty nice.

I wasn't able to capture the whole sign, but you get the idea.

Toyota made this robot. It's at the entrance of the museum and it plays a song a few times in afternoon. While we were there, it played "Over the Rainbow". Pretty good.

A little beyond the robot is the showroom.

I want to drive on the other side of the road one day. Hopefully I won't kill anyone.

This is the slogan of the company. Well, at least at the Japanese factory.

The future of Toyota. Looks pretty cool!

quote of the night.

2010-07-01T06:42:00.000-07:00

"The best things in life aren't things." -- Art Buchwald

I believe this to be true. To me, the sense of having a family, love and just pure happiness are some of the best things in life. But they aren't really things.

What do you think are some of the best things in life?

Contemporary Fashion of Japan.

2010-07-01T06:22:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I am in Japan is to do a research project. Before I came though, I had no concrete idea of what I would be researching on. I didn't know who my research partners would be either. This idea made me kind of anxious. After a few days in Japan, my sensei hadn't talked about it much. I was a bit confused. How are we supposed to do a research project in three weeks? But alas, yesterday we discussed it. As a class, we brainstormed topics. Of course, I threw out the idea of researching something in relation to fashion. And my idea made it to the final cut. We got to choose our groups and needless to say, I will be conducting some research on the fashion of Japan. I'll probably get to use some the concepts I learned in my Textiles and Clothing class this past spring quarter. My research partners are driven, as am I. Excitement does not define my current feeling. I'm just so interested to find out the reasons behind some the fashion trends here. I've seen some things that should NOT be paired together but somehow work really well together. I wish I had taken pictures. But I'm sure I'll be doing that once we start making moves to different areas and surveying folks! Ready to get to work!!

Cold War Kids - Hang Me Up To Dry

2010-06-30T07:37:00.000-07:00

I was just browsing blog and Alannah over at PLANNE JANE posted a song by Cold War Kids. It reminded me of a song by them that I used to listen to a lot. I thought I'd share it. Listen and enjoy!

BTW, this is not the official video. It wouldn't embed. If you want to see it, click here

FOOD, DRiNK, FOOD. DRiNK. FOOD! DRiNK!!

2010-06-29T20:36:00.000-07:00

I love food. I think it is a big part of culture that no one should miss out on when visiting a new place. And so far, the food in Japan has been interesting. Three meals a day, at a set time. Lots of stuff with rice. I've probably eaten rice at least twice a day since last Friday. I've tried fish cake squid looking things, lots of different snacks and a lot of other things that I cannot remember at the moment. I found good, interesting or that I plan to try before I leave this country. The following pictures will guide me.

Kind of like an OtterPop, but not. This was given to us after a cultural lesson about wearing the Yukata (which I will upload pictures of at a later date) and mannerisms (i.e., sitting, bowing, and standing up). I have no idea what flavor this was but it wasn't bad. Kind of reminded me of some type of yogurt.

Kiwi is one of my favorite fruits, so it amazed me that there was a yellowish (but it doesn't really look like it in the photo) kiwi and I never even knew it existed. And it was actually pretty freaking good.

Above is corn, that I picked with my bare hands. We visited the Agricultural College which is near my accommodations. We were split up into groups to either harvest vegetables, make noodles (which I wanted to do, but the groups were already chosen for us) or planting flowers. Although I wasn't put in the group that I wanted to be in, I thoroughly enjoyed going out into the fields and picking my own vegetables. And the students that helped us were very nice.

They boiled some corn for us and it was delicious!! This experience definitely made me appreciate farm workers and it also sparked an interest for me to start my own little garden of veggies.

Japanese curry and rice. We made this from scratch with the students over at the Agricultural College with all of the veggies that they grow and harvest. It was great!!

So, I didn't eat this stuff but it looked good! I'll probably go back and buy a slice.

Mmmmmm. Bread! Fattening but oh so good! And as soon as we walked into the bakery area, I was tempted to try some. I bought that cheesy deliciousness above. Boy was that a bad idea. I can't read Japanese and I bought something with ham in it. Mind you, I do NOT eat pork. That was 360 yen down the drain. :( At least it smelled good, I guess. And I gave it to one of my omnivorous classmates. He enjoyed it.

Sushi. How can you go to Japan and not have sushi? It just seems so ridiculous to me. I only bought Inari (rice stuffed in fried tofu) though. I want to find a sushi restaurant. Just seems more authentic than store bought sushi.

We went to this coffee shop down the street. The menu was very limited so I ordered a slice of cheesecake and apple juice. It tasted a little different than what I'm used to. Isn't it pretty though?

Just some snacks. San Mei (the office coordinator at my job) gave me and my co-workers some of that candy before and I thought it was so yummy. Now that I'm able to buy it for myself, I'm absolutely addicted. I feel like there are stores in the states that sell it. I must find them. But I will be stocking up before I head back.

There are lots of differnt juices available at the grocery stores here in Okazaki. I just want to try them all.

This here is a rice ball. It's a seaweed wrapped ball of rice with something in the middle. Mine hand a piece of salmon. I thought it was gonna be kind of yucky, but it wasn't. I ate two of these things!

I have more food and other aspects of Japanese culture to talk about, but I'll leave it here for now!!

Peace, Love & Blessings from the other side of the Pacific!

new layout.

2010-06-28T15:50:00.000-07:00

I really wish I was this amazing guru when it comes to creating layouts, but I am not. Working on it though. This blog is currently under construction, and I'll be working on it in the little random free time that have or on breaks from studying.

And I'm gonna try to post a little something about my time so far in Japan, later tonight. Until then, get out and do something fun!

Japan: Day 1.

2010-06-25T23:34:00.000-07:00

Konnichiwa!

As you may or may not know, I am studying abroad in Japan for four weeks, during this summer. Japan is my current location. I've been here for about a day now. Between the 11 hour flight to Tokyo to only have to get on another flight and the lugging my bags around subways, I am pooped. But how can I really complain? So far, my time here has been great. I met up with some folks from my class last night and they have been nothing but great. We've also met some wonderful people here that have helped us not get lost.

And luckily, I have some time to catch up on sleep. Today is Saturday. Orientation is Sunday and classes start on Monday. I'm soooooooooooooo excited. If I love you and I don't forget about you, you'll probably get a gift when I return to the states. And if I don't personally know you. You can enjoy some photos and stories over the duration of my trip. :)

Dewa mata! (See you later.)

I'm not a player...

2010-06-12T14:48:00.000-07:00

...I just tweet a lot! :)

iamDEONNA

follow me.

girl, you better work!

2010-06-12T14:04:00.000-07:00

It seems that I've been talking to my roommates a lot lately and they've been giving me some inspiration. During one of these conversations, I thought about all the goals I plan to accomplish before 2010 ends. Can you believe we're basically half-way through the year? I remember being mad on New Year's Eve with my bf because my attempts to have an amazing night failed, epically. During my conversation with Z, I also thought back to my "anti-New Year's Resolution" post.

I wanted to give some updates to stuff I have already accomplished in these last 5 months and some change.

1. Finish the collage on my wall.
It's as finished as it will be since I'm going home tomorrow and I have to move at the end of August. I think I did a pretty great job. Check it out.

And I would just like to add that it looks better in person.

2. Upgrade my nose ring to a hoop.

3. Write a book.
I haven't written a whole book, but I have been working on my writing capabilities. Baby steps. You must walk before you can run, ya know?

4. Study Abroad in Summer '10.
I'm leaving for Japan in 12 days. Amazingness!! For a second or two, I didn't think it was going to happen, but it all worked out. Thank you, God! I love You!!

5. Do something for someone without expecting to get something back.
I feel like I've been doing this a lot. No need to explain though.

6. Limit my complaining (because the good things really do outweigh the bad).
I've been working on trying to focus on what is going right instead of what's going wrong. The good ALWAYS outweighs the bad.

7. Draw a self portrait that actually looks like me. Ha!
NOT quite, but I'm working on it. Baby steps, remember that!

8. Cook an amazing (and healthy) meal for my housemates and I.
I've realized that with our crazy, packed schedules, it's difficult to get in the kitchen, make a meal, then sit down and eat. But I did get it done, once this quarter. And we've collabed on a few meals. YUMMMM!

9. NETWORK NETWORK NETWORK!
I have been and boy does it get you places. It's truly amazing what just having a conversation with someone can do for you. I called Levi Maestro on skype because he tweeted that he was accepting calls.

10. NYU for Grad School
I still plan on doing this. My TA for my 'Style and Culture' class attended NYU. I talked to her and once again, just talking to people proves to be something that can move your career forward.

11. Start my own magazine company.
:) work... in progress.

Goals in place. I plan to do great things. What you doin'?

peace & love,
D

Stalk me.

2010-06-09T16:14:00.000-07:00

stalker |ˈstôkər|
noun
a person who stealthily hunts or pursues an animal or another person.
• a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention.

I have stalkers, but not in the weird, crazy way. One of my housemates just loves to keep up with me... reads my blog, checks on me on facebook, all that jazz. LOL. What a creeper. I love you, Z!

I was talking to one of my other housemates today and she said since I'm leaving for another country in a couple weeks, she might have to be as stalkerish as Z. She also gave me the great idea of blogging about my experiences abroad!!

Look out for those posts at the end of this month and into July.

Deonna Fun Fact #1

2010-05-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

I have definitely been cheating on blogger with tumblr.

check it! ---> Story of Liberation

just because...

2010-03-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

sorry for the hiatus...
i LOVE you all for not unfollowing. :)
between work, school and extracurriculars...
[it's finals week.]
i've barely had time to talk to my best friends. sheesh!!
i'll be back in full force soon,
hopefully!!

quick update: life is good!!
spring break is upon students of the UC system,
so, i'm happy about that...
i'm not doing anything spectacular,
but i get to see the fam, LA friends and my HB.
what more can i ask for?
and i'm thinking spring quarter is going to be very exciting!!
i have a few things up my sleeve too. yay!!

peace and love,
D