Do I Really Have to Leave?

College Undergrad who yearned for breaks to be over so she could get back to learning, staying busy, not having to deal with the drama that comes with living at home with family – that used to be me.

Then something changed. This winter break, the last on my undergraduate career, has been the best yet.

As I woke up this morning, I found myself trying to clasp onto the last bits of what seems like a dream. It's like I know what I want the rest of my life to look like because I lived it in these last four weeks but I won't be able to live it again for another six months, and even that is questionable because I don't know where I'll be in another six months – I just know that's when I will be crossing the stage and becoming a "real adult."

With that being said, I really don't want to leave. *turns on "I Gotta Go" by Trey Songz*

I just hope these last months living in Davis will be as fabulous as these four weeks living in Los Angeles. We shall see!

When Trying is Not Enough

"At least you tried," she said to me as I talked about how I had failed to change the state of the home I grew up in. And for a moment, I accepted those words and in doing so, I also accepted that trying is enough – that if my goal is not accomplished it is okay because I tried.

Then I started thinking about it. The more my thoughts swarmed about in my mind, the more trying did not sit well with me. Now I am grappling with this idea. How can someone that I expect to be proud of the goals I accomplish tell me that trying is enough – and how was I okay with that? Shouldn't I have been pushed to try again? Shouldn't I have questioned why she even told me that?

The state of my home was a mess. Upon returning to my hometown for winter break, I planned on changing that. On one Sunday morning, I started my journey. I threw away trash and items that people no longer use. I gathered bottles and cans strewn about in the backyard to get recycled. I reorganized cabinets. In short, I cleaned up areas that had been ignored for months, in hopes that my work would serve as a catalyst for creating new habits in the household – habits that will stay even when I made my way back to my college town.

As I walked into the kitchen a week later, the mess I had gotten rid of was back. It is frustrating because I spent most of the day going at it. I even BBM'd my boyfriend telling him that I felt like giving up. Crazy, right?

The situation at hand could be described as minor but I really want to clean up all over again but I'm telling myself that I do not live here anymore so it should not be my problem. I am actually just accepting that fact as I write these words. While this situation may not have that big of an impact on my life, the idea that trying is enough can be applied to other goals. Right now, I have a list of six goals to accomplish in 2012. I am committed to completing them all. Telling myself and accepting other folks words of "At least you tried," is unacceptable.

When you try to do something, there is an expectation that it will be accomplished. And to me, if it is not executed the first time, you must try again and again. Failure is a part of success.

I do have a question though. Is there a point where trying is enough? After attempting 50 times, is it okay to say, "At least I tried"?