Monday, December 6, 2010

at the end of it all... i want LOVE.

It's finals season in my town. I have taken one final and I have three more in the next four days. Although I should probably be focused on Experimental Methods and Content Analysis, I find myself here with you, writing down my thoughts. Pondering on the things that were, are and could be. You want to know why? Because it's just much more fun. And I feel like there's much more important things to think about. Who cares about the Empirical Methods of Communication anyway?

I know I don't... so, here are some things I do care about...

MY FUTURE. I could possibly finish my major and minor by next Fall Quarter. Then I would just be in school for almost no reason... just floating by, you know? Taking classes that could or could not help my GPA. But why would I do that when there is so much more to life? As of next year, I will no longer be working as the African Diaspora intern at the Cross Cultural Center. I will no longer be a third year. Who knows if I will still be a member of the Black Student Union or the Nigerian Student Dance Group. I will be a fourth year, hoping to graduate in Spring of 2012. I will be applying to graduate school and hopefully interning at some cool company if I'm actually in the United States. Or maybe I'll be interning in another country. All of these possibilities have been on my brain as of late.

I am
constantly thinking about my future. And thinking about what will truly make me happy. Who will still be constant in my life, what moves I will be making, where I will be living... I've come up with a few ideas. With that being said, I've also come to realize that I need to make sure this is what I am supposed to be doing, according to God's plan for me.

Something I've noticed is that people are continuing to tell me what they could see me doing. I used to want that. But as I'm growing older, I simply do not care. It's in part because these are usually folks that do not know me well and just assume my interests. After all, this is my life. And I know this may sound very... uhmmmm... closed minded. I'm unsure if it is the most wise thing to do because some people may be able to give me good guidance, advice and may even be able to link me to important people. I just think it's good if I do what I want, for me and no one else.

So, what do I want, you ask?

I know who I want to be in my life. I know that I want to make a positive change for future generations. I know that I want to travel the world. I know that I want to work for myself and nobody else after graduate school, unless I am working for a magazine or newspaper that I love. I know that I want to be happy. I know that I want to start November 5th. I know that I want to live across the country and abroad for at least a year each. I know I want to be able to travel when I feel like it, even if there is no real purpose.

I feel like a lot of wants are possible to obtain. How I will go about obtaining them is the difficult part. I can go to graduate school. I can apply for Teach for America. I can take a year off, then apply for graduate school. I can just graduate and head straight into the work field, putting graduate school off indefinitely. I could go back home to Los Angeles. I could move to Brooklyn, Savannah, Seattle, Boston, D.C. Portland...

You see my dilemma? I have so many options that it's become hard to choose. Each opportunity is promising.

When it all comes down to the root of what I really want though... I want peace and love. And I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. If I could just create things for a living without having to worry about how I will survive, I would. If I could drop out of college and just travel the world, I would. If we could all be on one accord, loving each other with no poverty, racism, homophobia, sexism, or any other -ism, I think the world would be even more beautiful. Yes, I know that I sound like a hippie, but I want a love bomb to just come to earth and blow away all the people that do not have good intentions. I want everyone to be okay with not having power because I feel that's when people get crazy. I mean... look at Hitler... that dude had a lot of power. And didn't he end up killing millions of people, including himself?

That's just crazy. Where are you, peace/love bomb?


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You think A LOT like me. I'm in college and I think it's a good time to be back and forth with each step and the choices you make. I've always had a chief aim, but came up with a plan to pursue that. What I have learned is that you are LIMITLESS! You don't have to chase just one dream, you can live and go anywhere you wish. The world is yours and it's wayy too big to stay in one corner. All that matters is that you've lived life, reached your full potential, found happiness, and helped others along the way.