grrrrr. BUT i'll be home.

a couple days ago, i would have written a happy soliloquy about being in a nice, healthy & fresh relationship with a boy that i could very well have a wonderful future with. BUT i wanted to re-think things. i wanted to make sure everything i was doing was completely rational. that is the smart thing to do, right? the answer to that question is yes, that is what you're supposed to do. make sure it's what you want before you make the commitment. i, deonna, admit that i did not do that. i've known this guy for about 10 months (and for most of that time, he was trying to get the girl... the girl being me) and i decided to go out on a whim and be spontaneous for once by saying, "no, we are together" when asked the question, "so, are we still just friends?" after prolonged make-out sessions, conversations with friends of how cute we are and thoughts of what could be. 

we were having a conversation about the state of the relationship and where it was headed. all bad! then i began to ask myself... do i really see this going anywhere? and my answer led to other questions which just had me like what am i doing?

long story short... it didn't even last a week. might be cause i didn't really know what i wanted in the first place. i hadn't had anyone to call my own for a long time so, i know that is something that i wanted. am i ready for that? that is the question that keeps running through my mind. and the answer is i do not know. and at this point, i feel like i don't know anything... so, for right now... i will be single for a while. i'm just gonna enjoy my summer, have fun (but not too much fun) and continue to further my relationship with GOD. ohhhh, that's something i do know, when i'm in a relationship, my partner and i must be on the same page when it comes to spirituality. if i'm a Christian and the guy is not, the way we look at stuff is not the same. and that leads to issues. can't be having that... so, let's get on the same page first! please and thank you.

on a lighter note, this time next week i'll be sitting on my bed at home, in the city of angels instead of in my dorm room in davis... all smiles!! and i have some fun stuff lined up. and hopefully i can make some cash while i'm home. you know it's hard out here for a college student.