I was over at Until I Get Married, which happens to be one of my new everyday reads and it made me think. The post is titled "Man Seeks Girl Friend". To sum things up, Jozen wrote about not needing a girlfriend but a girl friend. You know that friend of the opposite sex that you never have, and never will have feelings for. And I completely feel him. Except, I have a boyfriend so I feel him for reasons slightly different than those he described.
There has always been this thought in the back of my head that if I am friends with a guy, something more will come out of it. Since middle school, I have had that one guy that started as a real close friend which lead to, most times unsuccessfully, something more. I have avoided guys' friendship because I do not want to deal with that. So, being in a relationship has made me steer away from building relationships with other guys even more.
I began to think, why do I consider myself that great that every guy who approaches me wants more than friendship. That is simply egotistical. I thought about all the guys in my life that I can consider a friend. There are three. And you can tell me a million times, if you can say you've made one good friend in your lifetime, then you're good. But I am so over that saying. Yes, I have those friends that I will be with until the end of time, but virtually none of them are guys. My boyfriend says that you cannot really choose who you are friends with. I disagree.
You can very well choose who you are friends with. I have chosen to push guys away because I have always thought they wanted more than friendship. I believe, although without any personal experience, men and women can have a strictly platonic relationship.
Two posts ago, I talked about building relationships that have gone a little downhill because of me allowing others to influence those relationships. Some of those have been with guys who could have made great friends. I'm sorry to the guys I have pushed away. I'm ready to start fresh.
When I broke up with my first boyfriend, I told him that the breakup was not about him, it was about me. It wasn't that "it's not you, it's me" type of thing. Or at least that's not how I meant it. I just needed to think about myself first. I'm learning, though, that sometimes I need to think about myself and others simultaneously. Focusing on myself is good, but I've been doing that for most of my life. It's time to let more people in. I need to put a little more focus on building my relationships.
Not too many though. That could cause destruction.